I have difficulty. Everyone does, but I have difficulty expressing it. This is vulnerable me, the one I don't show very often and not to very many people. Only the ones that don't judge. My friends. The ones that are family. The ones that are ok with hairy legs and unwashed hair. The ones that appreciate me when I wear makeup, and not because I look different or better or whatever. Because they KNOW. And so it's been a challenge to keep up that strong face. And the only thing to keep from crying is to be angry, whether it be a situation in life or a client or that stupid can for running out of Diet Coke.
I really have difficulty with the above quote. It makes so much sense, it's almost absurd, yet it is so difficult to put into practice. Whether it be a colleague or subordinate, a friend or a relative, a boy I like or one that likes me, a passerby on the street, it's difficult to actually take a step back and recognize it for what it is. I know I have my fair share of "options", and I like to keep them open. But when the shoe is on the other foot, it hurts. Or you're oblivious to it. But is ignorance really bliss? Isn't it better to have and not need than need and not have? Life isn't fair, never has been, never will be, so what's the harm in keeping that someone on the back burner for a little while?
Funny enough, I find myself currently stuck in a sort of "black hole" of the above quote....not being prioritized, yet not in the realm of options. And still, having options, but not prioritizing them. It's a weird feeling, empty, a theme of the week. This feeling of indifference is a new one, no, not new, but unfamiliar? No, not that either. Rare. Complete and utter indifference is such a weird feeling. It should be empowering, should it not? Or is it meant to be empty? There's a glimmer of hope, there always is. But after spending so much time of life hoping for that glimmer to appear, when it finally does, there's no reaction at all. Is it sad to consider that progress?
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