Why can't.....

We have it all? I've been a bit of a debbie downer lately, with associated personal and career issues as of late, so I've been internalizing and compartmentalizing, and now I'm ready to focus on something else. This is going to be a bit of a depressing post, so fair warning on that. But hopefully, by me getting it off my chest, I'll feel better about it and more positive. Everything that I'm posting today is going to be discussed with an objective outsider on Wednesday, and I'm really hoping that will help.

It's no secret that my current work environment isn't ideal....don't get me wrong, I love my job and I love the physical building I work in. My boss pretends I don't exist most days, and all I get are corporate mumbo jumbo e-mails from her maybe every other day. I've been looking for jobs for most of this year, and finally had a couple of interviews I was very excited about. I really have no desire to move out of this city just yet, but I can't keep complaining about the same things without doing anything to fix them. So, since I've tried talking with my boss, HR, the GM to try and get the situation resolved, the only other options are A: Out of the department, B: Out of the hotel, C: Out of the company, or D: Out of the city. After much thought over these options, I decided the best one was to be out of the city. Well, there was a job in the department at a different hotel here, but I didn't get that. Nor did I get the other two that I just applied for. Which has certainly not helped this feeling of utter rejection in pretty much every aspect of my life.

Now, due to the rejection of my previous living arrangement, I've signed another year lease here in the Crescent City. Not that I'm not excited about it, but now, not only do I feel rejection, I feel trapped. I'm in a neighborhood I like, with a roommate I'm pretty good friends with (but not too good), and I no longer have the stress of having a week and a half to find a place to keep me from being homeless. Now I know the only person I have to blame for that is myself, but it still sucks to actually get to that point. Especially when some of the circumstances that led to that point weren't completely within your control, and perhaps a little understanding and reassurance would have helped instead of avoidance and being a jerk. But I digress. We'll have our electricity turned on tomorrow, so I won't be sleeping by myself, in a house with no lights after today. I may actually even unpack this time.

In any event, despite all of the crappy things that were happening to me (work, life, family, etc.), I found some sort of solitude and even dare I say happiness making out with a boy that I've been friends with for a while. Two months of laughter, cuddling, bar hopping, football watching, cartoon introduction and some other things, have now (hopefully not permanently) been taken away from me. And I'm really not sure why. The pause timetable is about a month, but after a month of being "just friends" after not being "just friends", I'm uncertain I'll want to go back. Which is why time is of the essence here. I'm trying not to freak out and be all girly (failed over the weekend, pretty miserably, actually), but I really don't know what I did or didn't do that was wrong. There was never any pressure for a relationship, or titles or any of that other crap that society forces on two people. So long as we weren't doing anything with others that we were doing with each other (naked, obviously), and we were still having fun hanging out too, what was the problem? This is what I don't understand about men: I was offering everything that most men would kill for: no strings per se, time to do your own thing, as much usage of the "benefits" as you'd like, no titles, just a promise to communicate. If you want out, just tell me. I guess that's the answer.....He did. I just want to understand why. Apparently there's a fear of hurting me, because he "at least" wants to be friends. But, he's already hurt me. So why can't we just forget the last week, and go back to the last two months and have it all? Ugh....stupid me.....always overthinking everything.

The last thing that's been eating at me has been family related. Not that I saw my siblings and nephews a ton when I lived at home, living 1300 miles away has taken a toll on me that I never expected. When I hear that I'm R's favorite aunt, having not have seen him more than twice in the last year, I realize all that I'm missing out on because I was too selfish to just stick it out in Minneapolis for a while. Am I happier than when I left? No. Am I any sadder than when I left? No. It's just different and it sucks to not be able to hang out with my sister because I'm having a bad day. Compounding this frustration and sadness, is the issue with my mother, which I won't get into to far. I haven't spoken with her since July. This was my choice and the last possible resort to deal with a situation that's been festering pretty much since I can remember. This particular person has been given a pass for far too long simply because she gave birth to me. Anyone else would have been out of my life long, long ago. This is the most I've discussed with anyone, and so I shall leave it for another day. I can't say it's been eating at me, because I really haven't dealt with it at all since July, but I know it's there, and I know it needs to be fixed. Of all the relationships in my life that are in various stages of disarray, I know I need some resolution with this one. At the end of the day, family is more important than anything, and as much as I'm hurting about a boy, a job, finances and other things, this one is far and away the worst.

I'm going to really put more effort into this, now that I'll have a home environment that doesn't make me want to leave the house every moment that I'm awake. I've got some saved that I have to re-read, so that should keep me going for a couple weeks. There are some super fun events that I want to fill in, but I'll get to those as I can. I know I'm not alone in the thoughts above....whether you're there now, or will be or have been. I need to stop with the self loathing and melting down (though N says I've only done that a handful of times in the 12 years I've known her), and just be grateful for the things and people I do have. My dad coming next month, my siblings, their families, my friends, two months of bliss here and there, my health (though that's been questionable as of late), a job that I love, a beer named after me and new sunglasses. Now I can get back to pretending I'm Corey Hart. Maybe that's what's been missing.

Ooooook.....

I'm guessing none of you (all one of you) aren't too terribly upset with my lack of posting. If you are, don't worry, I was doing much cooler things than you. A quick recap of the last six weeks of my life....which have been about the best six weeks of my life. They weren't lying when they said your 30's are awesome. I'm really having the time of my life.

Recap: Easter, kickball, pub golf crawl, more kickball, Death of a Sinkhole, custom koozies, kickball, summer kickball, birthday: parts 1 through 10, kickball playoffs x 2, brass bands, new bike, Strongbow and Goldschlager, anticipation of Mexico, Mexico coming to fruition, questions answered, new abode (in a month), the return of old habits, the creation of new ones, and the kicking of bad ones, cherries popped, homemade daiquiris in the quarter, bars with swings, no pants summer, flipcup, flipcup with Boone's Farm, flipcup with Four Loko, more kickball, truck pool, slip n slide, beach parties, plotting of the future of awesomeness.

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Don't hate. Find something awesome and do it. I am.

Kisses!!

Before you go....

....and start feeling sorry for me, and all my lame-o posts recently, I'll be here in a month and a half. Beach time needs to happen, stat.

Reflecting.....

Here I sit, three weeks before I fly home to celebrate(??) my entrance to my 30's. I've been thinking a lot, about where my life has taken me, about my current situation, and about what the future might hold for me. I should be excited about all the opportunities life has sent my way, and I should be thrilled to celebrate all these things with my family and closest friends. And instead? I'm just kind of indifferent. Maybe that's too harsh of a word. Ambivalent? I don't know. I'm at a point that I just don't know.

I think about my sister, getting married to her best friend. I think about my brother, with his two beautiful children and gorgeous fiancée. I think about my other brother, doing exactly what he's wanted to do his entire life, and with his beautiful girlfriend. And then I think about me. Married to my job. Single. Childless. Me. Sitting here, in a city with no family, no one that I trust implicitly, and at a job that I adore, working for someone I pretend doesn't exist. Seems empty, just like it always has.

Before you feel bad for me, don't. I'm going to Mexico in a month and a half, an opportunity only afforded to me because I don't have all these...attachments....I pay rent, but my landlord doesn't mind if my rent is a day or three late. I don't have kids I have to arrange for. I have a job that allows me to take the time off when I want to, because they know I NEED to. I've been afforded a ton of AMAZING opportunities in life that I wouldn't trade in for anything. But the thought of turning thirty and not being exactly where I want to be, not completely, well, it makes me think.

My 5 year plan five years ago, was to be turning 30 and living in the Big Apple. Instead of the Big Apple, I'm living in the Big Easy. I didn't have grand plans to be a department head or director at the age of 30, but I wanted to be making more money than I am now. I have an opportunity to accomplish that, but I'm not sure exactly how I feel about it. More to come on that in the coming weeks. I didn't plan to be married, or settled down, or anything domestic, but I didn't plan to be single. I know that for that to happen, I have to adjust the way that I live my life, and I'm just not quite ready to do that. If I was, I'd be a department head at work. I absolutely adore my life the way it is - I do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and I can't fathom life without that freedom.

I certainly didn't plan to be living where I am, but I'm doing what I can to make the most of it. I enjoy my kickball teams, and the people that play/watch/drink with us. I've found some really great restaurants and some killer bars, though I'm still trying to find egg rolls as good as Que Viet, and Thai food as good as Tum Rup. There's a pretty amazing music scene here and my friends come to visit me in droves. I like it here. The humidity can suck it, but overall I'm content with the decision to move here.

Given the amount of fun that I'm having, and the things that I'm learning about myself both personally and professionally, and what I want to accomplish here, it's baffling me the thoughts that I'm having of moving back home. I know how much I hate winter, but do I hate winter as much as I love and miss my family slash friends? There's a job open that would challenge me on several levels, but there are many reasons I wouldn't want it. Maybe in another 5 years, when they figure out what to do about winter, I'll move home.

So, for now, I will continue to balance the social with the professional, and try to not dwell on the feeling of emptiness that I have, because I know that I'm the only person that can change it, and for right now, I'm not willing to do that. When I am, I'll know. I think. Or maybe I won't, and it'll just hit me in the face and I'll just have to accept it. I've lived a life of no regrets and I'm not about to start now. And who knows? Maybe this will become my home. A place I never expected, never planned for....just was. Wouldn't that be something?

My first Mardi Gras....

Well, it's started. I attended my first official Mardi Gras parade on Saturday. I would have been at the first one of the season the previous Saturday, but parking is a bitch in the quarter. The parade itself was somewhat meh. Don't get me wrong, it was better than 95% of the parades I've seen in my life, but for this extravagant event, it seemed kind of, almost, half assed. I've been assured by my local friends that it was one of the smaller ones, and they only get better. Here's hoping.

The one I think I'm most looking forward to is the Krewe of Muses on Thursday night. It's the only all female Mardi Gras parade, and their throws include intricately decorated shoes. I'm keeping my fingers crossed I'll catch one, preferably with my hands, and not my face.

My friends start to arrive on Saturday (send good thoughts to my bestie, apparently she was in the hospital last night, trooper that she is), and the craziness will be in full swing. I'm excited about the parade that goes through my neighborhood; I hear it's pretty incredible. I'm hoping my liver and almost 30 year old body hold out...I've been noticing signs of "lack of party ability" lately, and trying to live by the "you're only as old as you feel" mantra. Short skirts and tight tops are helping, but we'll see what shakes out this weekend.

I'm not sure if I'm more excited about Mardi Gras, or if I'm more excited to show my best friend all the things I love about this city. I can't wait to take her to Parkway, and Sucre, and walk around City Park, and show her where we play kickball, and get a photo op in the Sinkhole...but I can't help but feel like there's something overshadowing it and I won't be able to share everything I want to. And I worry about the next time she'll come back. It's an awesome city, so I hope that she does, and not for something like this, or Jazzfest, just some random Wednesday perhaps, and we can play trivia at Half Moon, or I can give her the experience of a Random Bar Night. It'll be fun for sure....just different I suppose.

Just so you know....

I have been writing. And keeping up with my promise of updates once a week. It's just that the last couple of them? Well, they haven't been so good. I don't want to scare you off, so I'm keeping them to myself for a bit. Tweaking them every couple of days and letting myself heal and eventually they'll be up. I'm trying to heal myself emotionally and I think I'm close. Now if I could just kick this nasty cold and then I'll be healed emotionally and physically. Well, as close as I can be.

Sometimes the wheels have to come off so you can be put back together whole again. Maybe not even completely off, maybe it's just simply a day/night of letting completely go. And going completely balls to the wall. And ass shaking. Always with the ass shaking. Sometimes it's a rejection that makes you wonder what the hell you were doing in the first place. But it's always something little that makes that lightbulb go off above your head and think, "A ha! That's it! The eff was I thinking?!?". And then it's back to being good.

For all the morose words I've put into this computer the last couple of weeks, I really am feeling better. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel both personally and professionally, and for the first time all year, I KNOW it's not a train. It's a hopeful light. One that's making me smile, right here, right now. An unforced, completely real smile. I've missed that. It's nice to have it back.

Only two weeks remain between today and Mardi Gras. Less than that until my best friend in the entire world comes to visit me. Words can't even begin to describe how excited I am, and I wouldn't want to try because I don't feel they'd do my thoughts justice. It's going to be one hell of a week and I can't hardly wait. Because I'll finally have reached the end of the tunnel, and then my whole world opens up again. And it's going to be amazing.

Month Complete.

Hard to believe today is Feb 1st kids. It's true what they say: the older you get, the faster time goes. It's super hard to believe that I'm going to be 30 in just over three months. Time's going to fly. It looks like I'm going to book my ticket home this week (or maybe I'll wait a couple until I get my bonus).

This weekend was a blur. Friday night was the going away party for my counterpart at work. Holy shinkes was it a good time. I was tasked with coming up with a speech to 'roast' him with, and it turned into a top ten list that ended up being pretty good. Turns out I am funny when I'm sober. Whodathunkit?

Saturday started out as a train wreck, and finished up much the same way. I was supposed to take a friend to the airport early in the AM, and as it turns out, going to a going away party the night before is not conducive to getting people to the airport at 6. I hope someday she forgives me.

Then we had our kickball game. It was a makeup from the previous Monday. Leaving the Frat House while it's still daylight...it's an interesting phenomenon. We all kind of had our Varsity Blues moment, but it was still the same day. After the kickball festivities wound down, we headed off to the sinkhole. The story of sinkhole will need it's own post....it's a good one. After a few hours of sinkhole, we walked to Juan's Flying Burrito. Dee. Lis. Cious. Then onto Parlays for a kickball party...and Sunday was a day of recovery.

It's been a good start to the month, kids. Let's hope it continues.

Tough.....

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." - Mark Twain

I have difficulty. Everyone does, but I have difficulty expressing it. This is vulnerable me, the one I don't show very often and not to very many people. Only the ones that don't judge. My friends. The ones that are family. The ones that are ok with hairy legs and unwashed hair. The ones that appreciate me when I wear makeup, and not because I look different or better or whatever. Because they KNOW. And so it's been a challenge to keep up that strong face. And the only thing to keep from crying is to be angry, whether it be a situation in life or a client or that stupid can for running out of Diet Coke.

I really have difficulty with the above quote. It makes so much sense, it's almost absurd, yet it is so difficult to put into practice. Whether it be a colleague or subordinate, a friend or a relative, a boy I like or one that likes me, a passerby on the street, it's difficult to actually take a step back and recognize it for what it is. I know I have my fair share of "options", and I like to keep them open. But when the shoe is on the other foot, it hurts. Or you're oblivious to it. But is ignorance really bliss? Isn't it better to have and not need than need and not have? Life isn't fair, never has been, never will be, so what's the harm in keeping that someone on the back burner for a little while?

Funny enough, I find myself currently stuck in a sort of "black hole" of the above quote....not being prioritized, yet not in the realm of options. And still, having options, but not prioritizing them. It's a weird feeling, empty, a theme of the week. This feeling of indifference is a new one, no, not new, but unfamiliar? No, not that either. Rare. Complete and utter indifference is such a weird feeling. It should be empowering, should it not? Or is it meant to be empty? There's a glimmer of hope, there always is. But after spending so much time of life hoping for that glimmer to appear, when it finally does, there's no reaction at all. Is it sad to consider that progress?

Thanksgiving

I meant to to this yesterday, but slept all day instead. It was the most relaxing, stressless Thanksgiving I've ever had. For all the whining I did about being an orphan, it was kind of nice actually. In between naps, I really had an opportunity to reflect on the last year, the last six months, and figure out what exactly it is I'm thankful for.

I must say, that after coming home from my best friends birthday party, and being around all the people I love so much, the week and a half leading up to yesterday was a bit of a challenge for me. For all the years I whined about going to St. Cloud, or St. Paul or wherever, the thought of not being around my family was a rather large pill to swallow. Coupling that with the notion that I'm officially less than 6 months away from being 30....well, it felt a lot like a midlife crisis to me. Thankfully, there isn't a new corvette in my driveway.

So, on to the things I'm grateful for. I'm thankful I live in a city where there isn't snow on the ground. Matter of fact, it's raining right now. I could be complaining about how cold 60 degrees is, but it could be worse. At least I have warm clothes and a roof over my head. So, I'm thankful for that; having a job that I adore (even if I don't always adore the people I work with), that provides a comfortable place to put my head and food in my belly.

I'm thankful for my wonderful family, even though I take y'all for granted sometimes. You mean the absolute world to me and I'm so lucky to have some of the best family a girl could ask for. I love that you constantly surprise me, I love the way you make me laugh, the way you make me cry (yes, sister, you and your wedding dress are going to make me cry), the way I can come to you with a question or a problem and you'll give me exactly the answer I need, not the one that I want. I appreciate you more than words can describe. I love you.

My friends. Some of you belong in the previous paragraph, (you know who you are). I have the most amazing friends ever. Some of you I've known forever, some only a short time, but the amount of fun I have with y'all is really pretty incredible. We've done some stupid things, some crazy things, some wildly awesome things, and at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what it is we've done, because we've done it together. I love you more than life itself, because you make life worth living.

One last group of people, then a giant list of stuff I'm thankful for. It may sound odd, but I'm grateful for all the people in life that have wronged me, lied to me, cheated on me, made me question my faith in people. These are the people that teach me how to be a better person, to not take people for granted, to return a phone call even if you don't want to, to ask for what it is you want and tell what it is you don't. I've learned so much from these people about what I want and don't want in life, and while it's caused a fair amount of pain to me, I'm grateful for it. I can't thank you enough for showing me how not to live life.

And my list of stuff I'm thankful for: this pretty MacBook that I'm typing this on, iPhone, my fancy schmancy shoes, watermelon in November, red velvet cake, RSVP pens, satin sheets, the smell of bacon (and taste, really), a general lack of artistic talent, short skirts and high heels, the color purple (not the movie, the actual color), the five senses, Surly Beer, compliments, the egg rolls at Que Viet, naps, the inventor of the vibrator, kickball, gyros, humor, the Dewey Decimal system, loud music, Anchorman, tomfoolery and shenanigans, quality literature, football (even if my home team sucks), photographic evidence, passports and impulsive behavior, champagne cocktails, Jeopardy, Special K, mini-golf and go-karts, In 'n Out Burger, Random Bar Night, kittens, fantasy football, online shopping, The Simpsons, po' boys.

Wowza!

Ok. So I finally have a minute to breathe. Or two even. I've been literally going non-stop since my parents arrived here three weeks ago. It was absolutely wonderful having them in town, and it was super sad to leave them for the left coast.

I had a great trip to California - haven't been to LA in at least 10 years - learned a lot at our class, saw a TON of beautiful scenery, saw some good friends I haven't seen in ages, ate really well and only embarrassed myself once (all blame goes to Rob and tequila). I'd forgotten how gorgeous the mountains and the ocean are in Cali. Our training class was at the Newport Beach Marriott, and when it was over, I took the Pacific Coast Highway all the way up to LA from Laguna Beach. I've long said that my next move will be to the Big Apple, but I might have to detour to live in the mountains.

I ate my weight in In 'N Out burgers, had an amazing meal at Rivera (I highly recommend olive oil poached lobster served with melon cubes and a green chile gelee), saw the Hollywood sign, the building where Michael Jackson is buried, took a lovely drive down and up Mullholland, drove past the Chateau Marmont, and finally up the PCH to Malibu. Dear god there are some AMAZING homes with stunning views in southern California. I want an address on Mullholland Drive. There were a couple times I literally had my breath taken away. Thankfully I didn't drive myself off a cliff.

I would love to say that when I got back from my vacation that I was refreshed and ready to get back to work. In fact, the opposite happened. I walked back into three large groups checking in on successive days, a client meeting with my first social function in years (read = lots of work), and an ambush of sorts. I'm really hoping it gets better, and it's seemed to in the last week or so, because really, it needs to. I also need to take a crash course in letting the things I have no control over go and not worry about them.

Our fall kickball league has started and we're now 2-1. Go Team America!! Voodoo Fest is every bit as amazing as I've heard. Darkness Day was an absolute blast (more on that separately). I miss my friends in MN and my family terribly. And that's pretty much it. Same old, different day. At least it's cooled off in the big sleazy.

California Dreamin.....

Yup, I'm in Cali. Hoping that my travel day on Sunday will allow me to get y'all caught up on the last few days of my parents visit as well as a recap of this AMAZING training class I attended.

I'm a little annoyed the sun isn't out yet, but guess what? I'm in SoCal and you're not.

A moment of calm

And I want more. It's been a crazy week of work and play and it's done. Well, almost....

Half of my parents arrived on Tuesday. Wow. It's hard to believe it's been two months since I've seen them. I met them at their hotel and many hugs were had, their travel plans were discussed and dinner locales were tossed about. We ended up at Port of Call, one of the better burger joints in the city. I have a wildly different palate than my mom and step-dad, so a burger place seemed like it would be pleasing to all. And it was. Wow. Seriously good burgers there.

After dinner we walked around the Quarter for a bit and then up Frenchman street and back to the car. We drove up Esplanade and then over to Uptown, showing them the St. Charles streetcar line and where I'm thinking about moving to (when my lease is up, of course). I dropped them off after our drive and went home.

Wednesday I picked them up and we made our way to Cafe du Monde. I've had a fair share of beignets here, and I've been by The Cafe, but never bothered to stop in. Too touristy, too crowded, too much to look at elsewhere in the quarter. It was magnificent. Really truly amazing pastries. The coffee was meh, but most coffee is.

We drove around the places we went Tuesday night, to see them in daylight. I gave them the grand tour of my abode and then I went into work. Oh, how I wish I wouldn't have. I won't discuss it here, but suffice to say that one of the biggest challenges I've had since I moved hasn't been the adjustment to a new city or the lack of friends or even the job itself. If you've spoken with me in any capacity in the last 5 months (has it really been that long?!?!), you know. Basically, I like throwing stones at hornet's nests. But you knew that about me.

After work, we grabbed a bottle of wine and hit up a local pizza joint to watch the Twins game. All was going well until the end of the game of course. Thursday brought a day of pampering....from manicures to ice cream to prosciutto and pedicures, to more wine and pool time, it should have been a lovely day that was completely marred by things going on at the office. I felt absolutely awful about my mood and have sworn to myself that it won't happen again. My parents came from 1300 miles away, and they deserve me at my best, not the crabbiness that infested me yesterday.

And so here we are today, with only two full days left. I was supposed to join them on a river cruise this afternoon, and life had other plans. So, tonight we'll do dinner and tomorrow brings a swamp tour. And me in a better mood. It makes me sad that 60 hours from now I'll be on a plane to LA and they'll still be here. Yes, I'm sacrificing time with my family because of my job. It'll never happen again, because at the end of the day, family will always be there, jobs will come and go.

Reasons I love gay bars.

Oh, let me count the ways.

First, I'm not the hottest chick on the planet, but even fugly chicks get their asses grabbed in nightclubs. I'm a fan of gay bars, because if it for some reason does happen, I'm fairly certain it doesn't really mean anything. Whereas, if I'm in a straight nightclub, they're usually trying to get in my pants. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I'll be standing at the bar of whatever hip nightclub just opened and some dude comes up to me and grabs my ass. It's so flipping annoying and the quickest way to have me put you on my own personal do not call list. This is why I generally don't go to nightclubs in the first place.

Second, I rarely have to worry about getting roofied. Or, flooried as it were. Either way, I'm pretty sure no one in a gay bar is going to mistake me for a drag queen, and therefore, they're not going to try to sleep with me. As such, putting a roofie in my drink is completely wasting it, and usually guys put them in the drinks of people they want to get in bed with, AKA, not mine. At least that's been my experience with it. Different story for a different day though.

Third, rarely has a night a gay bar ever cost me more than $30. I like cheap drinking nights. There is little in life more irritating to me than finding a receipt for a $100 night. Or worse, the bartender calling me the next day and letting me know I walked out on said $100 bar tab. Yes, it's happened.

3a. The first reason these tend to be cheap drinking nights is because the drinks are stupid strong. Like a glass of vodka and a splash of cranberry strong. Which translates into only needing a couple of them to get the job done, therefore resulting in a cheap bar tab.

3b. The second reason is because it's rare that I'm buying my own drinks in said bar, but when I do, see 3a.. I usually roll in with friends, and they usually pay for everything. And sometimes when we go, it's two-for-ones, or even three-for-ones (see 3a). Other times we go, friends introduce me to their friends and they pay for everything. On a rare occasion, I'll meet the one straight guy in the place, and those are the best. They're so excited to see a semi-hot chick in the place I've got drinks coming my way all night long. This scenario however heightens my awareness of the whole roofie situation, though not a lot. Straight guys in gay bars rarely travel with roofies.

The fourth reason I totally dig on gay bars is because there are those nights I'm in the mood to just shake my ass. And when I'm in that mood, I don't need some sweaty ass dude with frosted tips and a popped collar fist-pumping his way all up in my space. Especially if he reeks like Drakkar Noir (side story - but DN stopped smelling good in high school, guys). I dance better alone, and sometimes I just like to stare at super hot guys that are ripped dancing without their shirts on to the same Madonna remix that I love. Or J-Lo. Or whatever super awesome music they're playing. Because music in gay bars NEVER sucks.

For the better part of the last week, I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with a fifth reason to like gay bars. And really? I can't. If the first four didn't sell you on it, then I'm done. I give up. If those four aren't good enough, than you probably should stay away from them. Hopefully it'll free up a barstool for me to plant myself on. Speaking of, if you can recommend any good ones in NOLA, I'm willing to listen to recommendations.

Superfastrecap

SofastImaynotevenuseproperpunctuationorspacing.

Who am I kidding?! You and I both know that would drive me insane.

So. Um. After the Vikings game...where do I begin? St. Practice Day? My new fourth favorite day of the year (it's 6 months from St. Patrick's day if you didn't figure it out). Also, if this particular St. Practice Day was any indication, I most definitely need the practice. Then there was the St. Practice recovery day. Then there was Vikings football and a most pleasant surprise.

Then, one of my oldest, most awesome friends, Jen came to town. And I didn't get a lot of sleep for a few days. There was a random kickball game that we played in. There was the eating of good food (ok, so that's a given). Then a breather night. And yet another night in the Quarter (somehow I managed to stay off Bourbon Street). A scavenger hunt birthday party. An introduction. A continuation. More football. The start of a new kickball team. And Krav.

I'm exhausted just typing that. Future outlook? Lots of work, more kickball, more Krav, a visit from the rents, a training class and mini-vacation....and....well....hopefully. :)

100 random facts....

1. I'm a terrible liar.
2. I have incredible beginner's luck.
3. My nickname (name) is in reference to my father's favorite Stooge.
4. I do 95% of my shopping online. I hate shopping with the exception of the grocery store.
5. I could eat Thai food and gyros every day of the week and never be sick of them. And ice cream..
6. I don't intend to reproduce.
7. If I had $5 for every time someone said "oh, you'll change your mind about that", I'd likely be retired by now. Without kids.
8. I have clown feet.
9. I want to join the mile high club.
10. I never thought I'd have any use for e-mail on my phone, but I cannot live without my iPhone.
11. My favorite painting is "Nighthawks".
12. Skydiving is the coolest rush I've ever had.
13. I'm a sports freak.
14. I've never broken a bone.
15. I've given up on trying to impress people.
16. Flying bugs and birds terrify me.
17. I've been on TV, the radio and in a movie.
18. I don't think I can count the number of famous people I've met.
19. I didn't used to get along very well with my mother, but it's gotten much better.
20. My father is one of my best friends.
21. It takes a very long time to get to know "the real Me".
22. All of my closest friends could blackmail me.
23. My favorite food is anything of the Mediterranean variety.
24. I do not have a Minnesota accent. I am starting to acquire a southern one though.
25. I am the only child of my parents. My siblings are amazing.
26. I take exceptional care of my hair.
27. I think Krav Maga is the hardest thing I've ever attempted.
28. I can't do anything cool with my face, like raise one eyebrow or roll my tongue.
29. I sleep on satin sheets - one of the best purchases I've ever made.
30. I own my dream shoes.
31. My favorite photo of myself is my first day of kindergarten. My second favorite photo...well, you'll see it if you're lucky.
32. I have zero artistic talent. Stick figures are impossible for me.
33. My left hand is pretty useless for anything other than typing.
34. I'm usually extremely shy, and my job forces me to be outgoing. Alcohol also works.
35. I still sleep with my baby blanket.
36. I dream of beating Ken Jennings and Eddie the Blind Guy on Jeopardy. I'm undefeated at Jeopardy on PS2.
37. I will bet on anything.
38. My underwear always match my bra.
39. I can go over a month without doing a single load of laundry and without wearing the same outfit twice.
40. I love cats but am extremely allergic to them.
41. I share a b-day with George Clooney and Sigmund Freud.
42. I'm claustrophobic in elevators, sleeping bags and crowds of people.
43. I refuse to write with a pen that's any color than black.
44. I have slept in my car on more than one occasion.
45. I have a beer named after me.
46. I have a 36" inseam.
47. I miss Phil Hartman.
48. My favorite color is blue.
49. I buy a different kind of cheese every time I go to the grocery store.
50. I have developed a serious case of insomnia since moving away from home.

51. I knew within a week of working at my first hotel, that this was the career I wanted.
52. The best thing to do when I'm mad is leave me alone.
53. I hate people that don't know how to drive.
54. Slow people also irritate me.
55. My favorite band is DMB.
56. I snore. And talk in my sleep.
57. I've never camped out for tickets to anything, but I have camped out for beer.
58. I can do an impression of Apu. And that's it.
59. I love to cook.
60. I interrupted MC Hammer's dinner at Glamorama.
61. I'm not nearly as witty as I would have you all believe.
62. I was born a blonde.
63. I will get liposuction someday.
64. You can tell how drunk I was the night before by how many times I throw up the next day.
65. I have a Magic 8 Ball in my office. You can tell if it's working by asking "is Moe going to hell?".
66. I have made it halfway through my list of places to go before I die - Ireland has been checked off, Greece remains.
67. My favorite song to sing for karaoke is "Copacabana".
68. I've been on the Jumbo-tron at the Metrodome (both football and baseball), the Target Center, Target Field and the X.
69. It perturbs me when people say they'll call you back, but don't. I am frequently guilty of this.
70. I want to throw someone else's steak at a cyclist and I want to throw a Molotov Cocktail at an abandoned brick building.
71. I refuse to spend more than $50 on a shirt, but will cough up $300 for shoes without batting an eye.
72. I'm extremely shy - ISTJ.
73. I have two collections of shot glasses: One for places I've been and one for places others go.
74. My goal is have them match by the time I die.
75. I'm the nerd of my friends.
76. I have managed to buy one thing and one thing only at Target.
77. I may be the only female on the planet that doesn't crave chocolate.
78. I am deathly afraid of never being able to ski again.
79. I walked around the set of 'Days of Our Lives'.
80. J-Lo is my guilty pleasure.
81. My idea of coffee is a double espresso.
82. I have been classified as a flirt.
83. Cranium is my favorite game.
84. I do not own a TV.
85. I dance better alone.
86. If I could take back one moment of my life, it would be the moment I sold my U2 tickets right before the show.
87. As much as I enjoy being single, I miss the little things about having a boyfriend.
88. I've worn a coconut bra and grass skirt - it's a funny story.
89. One of my many nicknames is "Fun Moe". $1 if you get the reference.
90. I hate Jaeg, but love Jaeg-bombs.
91. My favorite bar is Brit's Pub.
92. I tried out for "The Weakest Link".

93. I've mastered the recipe for lemon ricotta pancakes from Hell's Kitchen.
94. Apparently I am the reason Surly cans Coffee Bender.
95. My "list" includes more women than men.
96. I miss being able to see stars.

97. I'll rarely admit it, but I'm a closet romantic.

98. Selling everything I owned that didn't fit in my car was one of the most freeing moments of my life..
99. I would fail miserably on the Atkin's Diet. But I'm going to try. Have to look hot for sister's wedding
100. I have the most amazing friends and family anyone could ever hope to have.

I am so ready for some football!!!!!

OMG! Football season is finally here!!!! And, guess what? My first game of the season was the FIRST game of the season!! Let's start at the beginning, shall we? I started looking for jobs towards the end of 2009. I had found a couple that I wanted, but wasn't super serious about finding a new job. I mean, I had a great Monday through Friday gig that paid me well and I had the most amazing boss I think I've ever had in my life. Who'd want to give that up?!

So I moved the job hunt to the back burner and got through the holiday season. I kind of kept looking, here and there when I had a free minute at work. I found a dream job, but when I went back to post for it, it was gone. After the first of the year, I was going through some personal crap and just said eff it. The winter sucked the life out of me and I decided that when I got back from Mexico, the first thing I was going to do was re-dedicate myself to finding something, anything that wasn't in the state of MN. At this point I didn't care if it was Cambodia or Columbus. I just needed to leave. And then this job almost jumped out of the website at me. New Orleans? Could I live there? Could I deal with the humidity and the crime and the (gasp) hurricanes? In typical me fashion, I walked into my boss' office and asked if she cared if I posted for it. She said no, so I did.

Obviously I got the job, or I wouldn't be here. Somewhere during the interview process, the NFL released it's 2010 schedule. Lo and behold, the first game of the season is at the Superdome. On a Thursday. Against the Vikings. In the process of the job hunt, I wasn't super sold on NoLA, but once I saw this, I figured there was something else going on and I had to go. I wanted to be at this game. I needed to be at this game. So, job taken, and the hunt for tickets was on.

Fast forward to last week. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's not what you know, it's who you know. I'd been badgering my friend all summer to come down for the game, and wouldn't you know it, my friend Chris was the lucky guest of honor along with a couple of his friends. They all happen to have a friend that works for the Vikings. A friend that hooked us up with tickets to the game, gratis. And somehow finagled on field passes for the pre-game!! Are you effing kidding me? I'm seriously one of the luckiest girls on the planet.

They all arrived Wednesday, we went out to dinner and hit Bourbon Street (of course!). Had an awesome time as always with them; it's easy because they're awesome. Thursday was the big day. I met up with them at their hotel and pre-gamed for a bit, then hopped in a cab to the Superdome. I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty impressive. I've driven by it countless times, but when you're standing on the street next to it, wow. We found our way in and found our way to the field. I had goosebumps and a smile the size of Texas when we walked out on that field.

There really isn't any way to describe the feeling of walking out on an NFL field before the game. In the industry I'm in, I've been around my fair share of famous people, including countless athletes, and I'm generally not one to get star struck. But seriously, this was different. There was the Thursday night game crew that included Tony Dungy, Brett Favre was on the field, Roger Goddell, Chris Paul. I was in heaven. I even got to catch an NFL football pass from Chris. I really can't describe it. It was one of those amazing once in a lifetime things.

About a half hour before kickoff, they booted us from the sidelines and up to our seats we went. All the way up. Literally. Last row in the upper level. We were on about the 45 yard line, so they weren't too bad, and there was a restroom literally right behind our seats (awesome). The crowd was super fun and didn't give us too much crap about being Vikings fans. There were a couple guys from MN near us, so I shared a Surly with them (duh! of course I snuck one in!). All in all, it was a great night with seriously kick ass people. Thanks to Ryan for the tickets and to Chris, Ryan and Andy for coming down and letting me be a part of the fun. You guys rock and hopefully we'll have drinks when I'm back in the 612 in November.

Labor Day weekend in the desert.

These short weeks are spoiling me...I had planned on taking the day after our draft off, knowing full well how fantasy football drafts go. What I hadn't planned was being on a plane that afternoon. Apparently one of my good friends had a free ticket on Delta he needed to use, and I didn't have any plans for the weekend, so I said 'what the hell?!', and off to sunny AZ we were.

After a relatively uneventful couple of flights (super cool neighbor on the second leg), the first stop? In 'n Out Burger. I mean duh, where else would it have been?! I'll give you a point if you guessed bar, since that's also a reasonable place for me to go right off the bat. I hadn't been to the western part of the states in god knows how long, so I was an In 'n Out virgin. I've heard it's amazing, and all my friends that have been there rave about it on and on and on and on, so of course I had to try it. I don't generally eat fast food, as a former fat kid, I really have to be careful about what I eat, but there are always exceptions to rules, and this was too good to pass up. I really didn't think I'd eat the whole thing, but dear god was it delicious. Yes, I had a Double Double Animal Style. I still have no idea what "animal style' means, other than pure awesomeness.

After that we checked into the W, I scored a sweet new dress and off to some gay bar we went. It wasn't super crowded, got a spot at the bar, had numerous jello shots (they were for a good cause!!), met some cool servers and some other cool peeps. There are quite a few things I love about gay bars, which I just decided I will dedicate an entire blog post to in the future. At some point I guess the bartenders wanted to go home, so we hopped a pedi-cab and back to the hotel we went. Super swank room at the W - not nearly as cool as the one I stayed at in Minneapolis, but it was nice. I slept on the killer purple couch.

Saturday we had to run a couple of errands - picking up stuff, mailing it back to MN, haircuts and eyebrow waxes, a bit of shopping, and of course, mimosas. After accomplishing all of these goals, we stopped at a little go-kart place because if I'm anything, it's a giant kid. Go-Karts, Bumper Boats, and Skee Ball!! Ok, so my back hurt a little after playing Skee Ball for an hour, and I learned that I'm now too big for go-karts (also, don't wear a skirt to go-kart; lesson learned), but it seriously was a super fun afternoon.

We switched hotels on Saturday, something about keeping platinum status or something, so we ended up at the Phoenician. In a word, stunning. I work in the hospitality industry, so it's rare that I'm impressed with a hotel or resort, but this place was incredible. Might be the only time in my life I've stayed at a 5-diamond resort. It was gorgeous. After an afternoon spent being ridiculously lazy, we were off to the bar. Went back to the same one and it was much busier. I'm not generally a fan of packed bars, but after a couple of drinks, I was fine. Managed to meet about the only straight single guy in the place, which was awesome (it'd be even more awesome if I remembered his name....). The four of us went kicked it at an after bar somewhere and then back to the hotel to be bums.

Sunday brought more errands, more arguments and more food. We ended up back at the W at some point in the afternoon. Room wasn't ready, so we went to Sushi Roku to cocktail and kill time until the room was ready, or I had to be at the airport, whichever came first. After a while a couple chicks came down from the pool and we started talking to them. Super cool girls, which doesn't happen very often. Their friends were playing at some bar who's name I also can't recall, so I walked there with them and took a cab to the airport to catch my red eye back to the Big Sleaze.

Overall it was a decent weekend...not too expensive, not too many arguments. It was however, nice to be back here. It's almost starting to feel like home. But that's yet another story for a different day.

One would think....

That being cooped up in the house all weekend with a sore throat (save for a kickball game) would inspire me to write. One would be wrong. Instead of recapping the amazingness of the last week, I have been the laziest person alive, save for a couple of showers and a popsicle run. You'll just have to hold your breath* until such time as I decide to share my thoughts of the last ten days with you.

*I wouldn't actually hold your breath....it might be another couple of days.

Random thoughts....

I have a handful of sayings in life. The first is, I'll try almost anything twice. I will. If I don't like it the first time, who's to say my tastes may not evolve? I definitely qualify it by including "almost" because really, I'm not likely to try jumping in front of a moving vehicle more than once. And that's assuming I survive the first trial run.

The second is, It's not what you know, it's who you know. This also directly ties in with the third, which is, well, it's the Golden Rule. Not the one about whoever has the gold makes the rules, the other one. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I've been insanely fortunate in my life. I won't deny it and I won't apologize for it. I've met A list actors, I've made professional golfers laugh, I truly have the most incredible support system on the planet, I've seen some incredible music, I've eaten food most people can't imagine, I have a career that I love with every bit of my soul, and I've traveled to some of the most amazing places in the world. I've had a great life so far. Now that isn't to say I haven't had my fair share of downs, but I don't dwell on them.

I wouldn't have been able to accomplish or achieve ANY of these things without the people that I know. And I wouldn't know ANY of the people that I do without treating them the way I'd want to be treated. I've worked incredibly hard to get where I am, and I've met some incredible people along the way, all of whom I've treated as I'd like to be myself.

Y'all know who you are, and I love you dearly. I'm grateful beyond description to have you in my life, and I hope you'll always be there for me. I truly wouldn't be where I am today without you, and I won't get where I'm going without you. You're the best. Really the best.

I ask one thing of people that I meet, and I only hope that they're able to answer it as honestly as I am, and believe it. The question is - if you could be anyone, from any time period of life, living or passed on, who would you be?

All the ups and downs, the good and the bad, the sickness and the health, I wouldn't be anyone other than me. Regrets and successes, skinny or fat, there's no one on the planet, past or present, that I'd rather be than me. Not even Kate Middleton. Have you seen what Prince Charles looks like now?!?

Recap...

The last week has been somewhat of a blur....all starting with Thursday night.

Thursday was our last regular season kickball team. I caught wind of this team from one of my Krav instructors, he said the team was pretty cool, it was on Thursday nights, there's lots of flip cup, so I looked into it! Unfortunately, the minute I signed up for it, I jacked my knee and missed the first four games. In the last four games, I was 3-4 at the plate, made one catch, assisted on another, and FINALLY scored in our last game. Well, we have playoffs next weekend, but the regular season is over.

It's surprising how sad I am about it. Yesterday just didn't feel the same without the carolina blue shirt and tutu. Granted, we had our fantasy draft yesterday and I wouldn't have been able to play anyway, but I missed it. I missed the camaraderie and the adrenaline. I digress....after our last game we had our flip cup playoffs. I never actually participated in the competitive flipping, just a cheerleader, so I can't take credit for the three-peat. Yes, our team is the three time flip cup champs. You can see how this would turn into a long night.

Friday I watched the Saints game with a colleague and her brother, had a few margaritas, checked out the 5th Child CD release at the Banks Street Bar and went to bed early. Saturday was the Monday night kickball playoffs. I had planned on stopping by and watching a few of the games and my friend Karen was in town, and she was cool with checking it out. Sadly, it was a super rainy day, and I wasn't dressed to give the slip 'n slide a go. We managed to watch one game, and then went to Felipe's for lunch.

We both had different events to go to - her a fundraiser for the Make it Right foundation, and me, an Abita beer sponsored grub crawl. It was a bit disorganized, but the food was good, and the beers were paired perfectly. We reconnected at Howl at the Moon later and I eventually had to call it a night. We met up for lunch on Sunday and I gave her a ride to the airport. It's so wonderful having good friends come visit me; in the last few days, I've had two more friends confirm visits here. Please keep coming, it's an amazing city that has so much to offer. Plus, tourism is our main industry here, and being that I'm in it, I'd like to be able to keep working. :)

Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, I didn't really do much of anything. Wednesday I went out with the guys from the Krav studio - it's so interesting to see people out of the normal environment that you see them. These are the guys that yell and scream and push me harder than anyone ever has before, and yet seeing them out and about, they're big teddy bears that wrestle each other, listen to live music, scarf pizza at 2am. People absolutely fascinate me, watching how we interact with one another, the life choices we all make....funny the way it is.