Summer is upon us....

My how time flies....I did figure out how to post from my phone, and then I got busy with life again.  If it's not kickball games, it's kickball related activities with kickball people.

To recap:
Spending Mother's Day with my mom
Bar Olympics
Flip Cup Tournament (in Atlanta, departing NOLA at 1AM Friday night/Saturday morning
My thirsty thirty-first birthday
Keg Parties (one for our Wednesday charity winners and one for the aforementioned Bar Olympics we won)
Scavenger Hunting in the French Quarter
Telling the ex-booty call off
Charity Potluck fundraiser
Popping my Tubing cherry
Memorial Day Bar Crawl
First sailing trip of the year
The first two seasons of Nip/Tuck
Cooking again, FINALLY!!!!
My first NOLA Wedding (one I planned, not attended)
Telling my father about the next one on Father's Day
and.....my personal favorite....

QUITTING SMOKING!!!!!!

That's right folks....I've been smoke free for 8 days - 7 of which I've had to work.  I'm so proud of myself for doing this, and super happy that I have four amazing friends who all wanted to quit at the same time.  And even more happy we have 5 friends supporting us as "sponsors" by sending us motivational texts, e-mails and creating care packages for us.  I've been tempted almost every day, but I'm staying strong and I'm going to win.  Oh yeah, there's a financial incentive to quit as well.  We all know what motivates me, so this situation is literally perfect.  All the trash talking about how I'll be the first to "lose" makes me want to win.  Also, I've not spent like $40 on cigarettes already, so there's that.

Why can't.....

We have it all? I've been a bit of a debbie downer lately, with associated personal and career issues as of late, so I've been internalizing and compartmentalizing, and now I'm ready to focus on something else. This is going to be a bit of a depressing post, so fair warning on that. But hopefully, by me getting it off my chest, I'll feel better about it and more positive. Everything that I'm posting today is going to be discussed with an objective outsider on Wednesday, and I'm really hoping that will help.

It's no secret that my current work environment isn't ideal....don't get me wrong, I love my job and I love the physical building I work in. My boss pretends I don't exist most days, and all I get are corporate mumbo jumbo e-mails from her maybe every other day. I've been looking for jobs for most of this year, and finally had a couple of interviews I was very excited about. I really have no desire to move out of this city just yet, but I can't keep complaining about the same things without doing anything to fix them. So, since I've tried talking with my boss, HR, the GM to try and get the situation resolved, the only other options are A: Out of the department, B: Out of the hotel, C: Out of the company, or D: Out of the city. After much thought over these options, I decided the best one was to be out of the city. Well, there was a job in the department at a different hotel here, but I didn't get that. Nor did I get the other two that I just applied for. Which has certainly not helped this feeling of utter rejection in pretty much every aspect of my life.

Now, due to the rejection of my previous living arrangement, I've signed another year lease here in the Crescent City. Not that I'm not excited about it, but now, not only do I feel rejection, I feel trapped. I'm in a neighborhood I like, with a roommate I'm pretty good friends with (but not too good), and I no longer have the stress of having a week and a half to find a place to keep me from being homeless. Now I know the only person I have to blame for that is myself, but it still sucks to actually get to that point. Especially when some of the circumstances that led to that point weren't completely within your control, and perhaps a little understanding and reassurance would have helped instead of avoidance and being a jerk. But I digress. We'll have our electricity turned on tomorrow, so I won't be sleeping by myself, in a house with no lights after today. I may actually even unpack this time.

In any event, despite all of the crappy things that were happening to me (work, life, family, etc.), I found some sort of solitude and even dare I say happiness making out with a boy that I've been friends with for a while. Two months of laughter, cuddling, bar hopping, football watching, cartoon introduction and some other things, have now (hopefully not permanently) been taken away from me. And I'm really not sure why. The pause timetable is about a month, but after a month of being "just friends" after not being "just friends", I'm uncertain I'll want to go back. Which is why time is of the essence here. I'm trying not to freak out and be all girly (failed over the weekend, pretty miserably, actually), but I really don't know what I did or didn't do that was wrong. There was never any pressure for a relationship, or titles or any of that other crap that society forces on two people. So long as we weren't doing anything with others that we were doing with each other (naked, obviously), and we were still having fun hanging out too, what was the problem? This is what I don't understand about men: I was offering everything that most men would kill for: no strings per se, time to do your own thing, as much usage of the "benefits" as you'd like, no titles, just a promise to communicate. If you want out, just tell me. I guess that's the answer.....He did. I just want to understand why. Apparently there's a fear of hurting me, because he "at least" wants to be friends. But, he's already hurt me. So why can't we just forget the last week, and go back to the last two months and have it all? Ugh....stupid me.....always overthinking everything.

The last thing that's been eating at me has been family related. Not that I saw my siblings and nephews a ton when I lived at home, living 1300 miles away has taken a toll on me that I never expected. When I hear that I'm R's favorite aunt, having not have seen him more than twice in the last year, I realize all that I'm missing out on because I was too selfish to just stick it out in Minneapolis for a while. Am I happier than when I left? No. Am I any sadder than when I left? No. It's just different and it sucks to not be able to hang out with my sister because I'm having a bad day. Compounding this frustration and sadness, is the issue with my mother, which I won't get into to far. I haven't spoken with her since July. This was my choice and the last possible resort to deal with a situation that's been festering pretty much since I can remember. This particular person has been given a pass for far too long simply because she gave birth to me. Anyone else would have been out of my life long, long ago. This is the most I've discussed with anyone, and so I shall leave it for another day. I can't say it's been eating at me, because I really haven't dealt with it at all since July, but I know it's there, and I know it needs to be fixed. Of all the relationships in my life that are in various stages of disarray, I know I need some resolution with this one. At the end of the day, family is more important than anything, and as much as I'm hurting about a boy, a job, finances and other things, this one is far and away the worst.

I'm going to really put more effort into this, now that I'll have a home environment that doesn't make me want to leave the house every moment that I'm awake. I've got some saved that I have to re-read, so that should keep me going for a couple weeks. There are some super fun events that I want to fill in, but I'll get to those as I can. I know I'm not alone in the thoughts above....whether you're there now, or will be or have been. I need to stop with the self loathing and melting down (though N says I've only done that a handful of times in the 12 years I've known her), and just be grateful for the things and people I do have. My dad coming next month, my siblings, their families, my friends, two months of bliss here and there, my health (though that's been questionable as of late), a job that I love, a beer named after me and new sunglasses. Now I can get back to pretending I'm Corey Hart. Maybe that's what's been missing.

Ooooook.....

I'm guessing none of you (all one of you) aren't too terribly upset with my lack of posting. If you are, don't worry, I was doing much cooler things than you. A quick recap of the last six weeks of my life....which have been about the best six weeks of my life. They weren't lying when they said your 30's are awesome. I'm really having the time of my life.

Recap: Easter, kickball, pub golf crawl, more kickball, Death of a Sinkhole, custom koozies, kickball, summer kickball, birthday: parts 1 through 10, kickball playoffs x 2, brass bands, new bike, Strongbow and Goldschlager, anticipation of Mexico, Mexico coming to fruition, questions answered, new abode (in a month), the return of old habits, the creation of new ones, and the kicking of bad ones, cherries popped, homemade daiquiris in the quarter, bars with swings, no pants summer, flipcup, flipcup with Boone's Farm, flipcup with Four Loko, more kickball, truck pool, slip n slide, beach parties, plotting of the future of awesomeness.

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Don't hate. Find something awesome and do it. I am.

Kisses!!

What's this?

This was written almost two months ago, in the throes of mass chaos at work, and a wonderful human being passing. Having had the opportunity to reflect, and attempting to come to peace, I'm still not there. Work wise or personally? I'm not sure. It's been tough. I do the best that I can, and sometimes it's just not enough. Happier posts are coming; there are some good memories of the last couple of months I need to get out of my head. With anything good in life, there are things we wish were better, or could just avoid altogether. So, without further adieu....

This empty place in my soul. This week, last week. It's odd, the people that come and go through life. The ones that you don't expect to have an impact. And when they're gone, it takes a part of you with it. It's been a week of loss, something is gone. Putting words behind the feeling has been an unbelievable challenge and trying to just makes it, feel cheap, almost. Explaining it to outsiders is impossible; they wouldn't or couldn't understand. Because I don't.

Masks only work for so long. And the wrong person at the wrong time asks if everything is alright and everything comes crashing down. Yes, everything is fine, only works when there's a smile. A real smile hasn't occurred in a while, but it's easy enough to fake. No one here knows it's fake. It's been two months since...since.

Insecure and vulnerable. That's the best way to describe it. It's as if one more thing piled on an already difficult week is going to be it. The cracks are there, so when does it break. What is that point? Has it already happened and passed by and everything will be good again? That's a ridiculous thought. It's only just beginning. Maybe it starts out crappy so it can be appreciated more later on. Or is that a ridiculous thought too? Heavy sigh and back to work. Work. Office. What used to be the safe place, the equalizer, it's not so. Not anymore. Will it ever be again? One can hope. Control is gone, chaos has replaced it. So much and so few hours. It's crazy, to be here, like this. Unfamiliar and cold. Please get better soon.

Just so you know....

I have been writing. And keeping up with my promise of updates once a week. It's just that the last couple of them? Well, they haven't been so good. I don't want to scare you off, so I'm keeping them to myself for a bit. Tweaking them every couple of days and letting myself heal and eventually they'll be up. I'm trying to heal myself emotionally and I think I'm close. Now if I could just kick this nasty cold and then I'll be healed emotionally and physically. Well, as close as I can be.

Sometimes the wheels have to come off so you can be put back together whole again. Maybe not even completely off, maybe it's just simply a day/night of letting completely go. And going completely balls to the wall. And ass shaking. Always with the ass shaking. Sometimes it's a rejection that makes you wonder what the hell you were doing in the first place. But it's always something little that makes that lightbulb go off above your head and think, "A ha! That's it! The eff was I thinking?!?". And then it's back to being good.

For all the morose words I've put into this computer the last couple of weeks, I really am feeling better. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel both personally and professionally, and for the first time all year, I KNOW it's not a train. It's a hopeful light. One that's making me smile, right here, right now. An unforced, completely real smile. I've missed that. It's nice to have it back.

Only two weeks remain between today and Mardi Gras. Less than that until my best friend in the entire world comes to visit me. Words can't even begin to describe how excited I am, and I wouldn't want to try because I don't feel they'd do my thoughts justice. It's going to be one hell of a week and I can't hardly wait. Because I'll finally have reached the end of the tunnel, and then my whole world opens up again. And it's going to be amazing.

Well....

I was contemplating writing a really morose post about the hell that has been my life the last two days. Instead I shall leave you with a cymbal playing monkey.

California Dreamin.....

Yup, I'm in Cali. Hoping that my travel day on Sunday will allow me to get y'all caught up on the last few days of my parents visit as well as a recap of this AMAZING training class I attended.

I'm a little annoyed the sun isn't out yet, but guess what? I'm in SoCal and you're not.

Reasons I love gay bars.

Oh, let me count the ways.

First, I'm not the hottest chick on the planet, but even fugly chicks get their asses grabbed in nightclubs. I'm a fan of gay bars, because if it for some reason does happen, I'm fairly certain it doesn't really mean anything. Whereas, if I'm in a straight nightclub, they're usually trying to get in my pants. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I'll be standing at the bar of whatever hip nightclub just opened and some dude comes up to me and grabs my ass. It's so flipping annoying and the quickest way to have me put you on my own personal do not call list. This is why I generally don't go to nightclubs in the first place.

Second, I rarely have to worry about getting roofied. Or, flooried as it were. Either way, I'm pretty sure no one in a gay bar is going to mistake me for a drag queen, and therefore, they're not going to try to sleep with me. As such, putting a roofie in my drink is completely wasting it, and usually guys put them in the drinks of people they want to get in bed with, AKA, not mine. At least that's been my experience with it. Different story for a different day though.

Third, rarely has a night a gay bar ever cost me more than $30. I like cheap drinking nights. There is little in life more irritating to me than finding a receipt for a $100 night. Or worse, the bartender calling me the next day and letting me know I walked out on said $100 bar tab. Yes, it's happened.

3a. The first reason these tend to be cheap drinking nights is because the drinks are stupid strong. Like a glass of vodka and a splash of cranberry strong. Which translates into only needing a couple of them to get the job done, therefore resulting in a cheap bar tab.

3b. The second reason is because it's rare that I'm buying my own drinks in said bar, but when I do, see 3a.. I usually roll in with friends, and they usually pay for everything. And sometimes when we go, it's two-for-ones, or even three-for-ones (see 3a). Other times we go, friends introduce me to their friends and they pay for everything. On a rare occasion, I'll meet the one straight guy in the place, and those are the best. They're so excited to see a semi-hot chick in the place I've got drinks coming my way all night long. This scenario however heightens my awareness of the whole roofie situation, though not a lot. Straight guys in gay bars rarely travel with roofies.

The fourth reason I totally dig on gay bars is because there are those nights I'm in the mood to just shake my ass. And when I'm in that mood, I don't need some sweaty ass dude with frosted tips and a popped collar fist-pumping his way all up in my space. Especially if he reeks like Drakkar Noir (side story - but DN stopped smelling good in high school, guys). I dance better alone, and sometimes I just like to stare at super hot guys that are ripped dancing without their shirts on to the same Madonna remix that I love. Or J-Lo. Or whatever super awesome music they're playing. Because music in gay bars NEVER sucks.

For the better part of the last week, I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with a fifth reason to like gay bars. And really? I can't. If the first four didn't sell you on it, then I'm done. I give up. If those four aren't good enough, than you probably should stay away from them. Hopefully it'll free up a barstool for me to plant myself on. Speaking of, if you can recommend any good ones in NOLA, I'm willing to listen to recommendations.

Superfastrecap

SofastImaynotevenuseproperpunctuationorspacing.

Who am I kidding?! You and I both know that would drive me insane.

So. Um. After the Vikings game...where do I begin? St. Practice Day? My new fourth favorite day of the year (it's 6 months from St. Patrick's day if you didn't figure it out). Also, if this particular St. Practice Day was any indication, I most definitely need the practice. Then there was the St. Practice recovery day. Then there was Vikings football and a most pleasant surprise.

Then, one of my oldest, most awesome friends, Jen came to town. And I didn't get a lot of sleep for a few days. There was a random kickball game that we played in. There was the eating of good food (ok, so that's a given). Then a breather night. And yet another night in the Quarter (somehow I managed to stay off Bourbon Street). A scavenger hunt birthday party. An introduction. A continuation. More football. The start of a new kickball team. And Krav.

I'm exhausted just typing that. Future outlook? Lots of work, more kickball, more Krav, a visit from the rents, a training class and mini-vacation....and....well....hopefully. :)

I am so ready for some football!!!!!

OMG! Football season is finally here!!!! And, guess what? My first game of the season was the FIRST game of the season!! Let's start at the beginning, shall we? I started looking for jobs towards the end of 2009. I had found a couple that I wanted, but wasn't super serious about finding a new job. I mean, I had a great Monday through Friday gig that paid me well and I had the most amazing boss I think I've ever had in my life. Who'd want to give that up?!

So I moved the job hunt to the back burner and got through the holiday season. I kind of kept looking, here and there when I had a free minute at work. I found a dream job, but when I went back to post for it, it was gone. After the first of the year, I was going through some personal crap and just said eff it. The winter sucked the life out of me and I decided that when I got back from Mexico, the first thing I was going to do was re-dedicate myself to finding something, anything that wasn't in the state of MN. At this point I didn't care if it was Cambodia or Columbus. I just needed to leave. And then this job almost jumped out of the website at me. New Orleans? Could I live there? Could I deal with the humidity and the crime and the (gasp) hurricanes? In typical me fashion, I walked into my boss' office and asked if she cared if I posted for it. She said no, so I did.

Obviously I got the job, or I wouldn't be here. Somewhere during the interview process, the NFL released it's 2010 schedule. Lo and behold, the first game of the season is at the Superdome. On a Thursday. Against the Vikings. In the process of the job hunt, I wasn't super sold on NoLA, but once I saw this, I figured there was something else going on and I had to go. I wanted to be at this game. I needed to be at this game. So, job taken, and the hunt for tickets was on.

Fast forward to last week. I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's not what you know, it's who you know. I'd been badgering my friend all summer to come down for the game, and wouldn't you know it, my friend Chris was the lucky guest of honor along with a couple of his friends. They all happen to have a friend that works for the Vikings. A friend that hooked us up with tickets to the game, gratis. And somehow finagled on field passes for the pre-game!! Are you effing kidding me? I'm seriously one of the luckiest girls on the planet.

They all arrived Wednesday, we went out to dinner and hit Bourbon Street (of course!). Had an awesome time as always with them; it's easy because they're awesome. Thursday was the big day. I met up with them at their hotel and pre-gamed for a bit, then hopped in a cab to the Superdome. I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty impressive. I've driven by it countless times, but when you're standing on the street next to it, wow. We found our way in and found our way to the field. I had goosebumps and a smile the size of Texas when we walked out on that field.

There really isn't any way to describe the feeling of walking out on an NFL field before the game. In the industry I'm in, I've been around my fair share of famous people, including countless athletes, and I'm generally not one to get star struck. But seriously, this was different. There was the Thursday night game crew that included Tony Dungy, Brett Favre was on the field, Roger Goddell, Chris Paul. I was in heaven. I even got to catch an NFL football pass from Chris. I really can't describe it. It was one of those amazing once in a lifetime things.

About a half hour before kickoff, they booted us from the sidelines and up to our seats we went. All the way up. Literally. Last row in the upper level. We were on about the 45 yard line, so they weren't too bad, and there was a restroom literally right behind our seats (awesome). The crowd was super fun and didn't give us too much crap about being Vikings fans. There were a couple guys from MN near us, so I shared a Surly with them (duh! of course I snuck one in!). All in all, it was a great night with seriously kick ass people. Thanks to Ryan for the tickets and to Chris, Ryan and Andy for coming down and letting me be a part of the fun. You guys rock and hopefully we'll have drinks when I'm back in the 612 in November.

Labor Day weekend in the desert.

These short weeks are spoiling me...I had planned on taking the day after our draft off, knowing full well how fantasy football drafts go. What I hadn't planned was being on a plane that afternoon. Apparently one of my good friends had a free ticket on Delta he needed to use, and I didn't have any plans for the weekend, so I said 'what the hell?!', and off to sunny AZ we were.

After a relatively uneventful couple of flights (super cool neighbor on the second leg), the first stop? In 'n Out Burger. I mean duh, where else would it have been?! I'll give you a point if you guessed bar, since that's also a reasonable place for me to go right off the bat. I hadn't been to the western part of the states in god knows how long, so I was an In 'n Out virgin. I've heard it's amazing, and all my friends that have been there rave about it on and on and on and on, so of course I had to try it. I don't generally eat fast food, as a former fat kid, I really have to be careful about what I eat, but there are always exceptions to rules, and this was too good to pass up. I really didn't think I'd eat the whole thing, but dear god was it delicious. Yes, I had a Double Double Animal Style. I still have no idea what "animal style' means, other than pure awesomeness.

After that we checked into the W, I scored a sweet new dress and off to some gay bar we went. It wasn't super crowded, got a spot at the bar, had numerous jello shots (they were for a good cause!!), met some cool servers and some other cool peeps. There are quite a few things I love about gay bars, which I just decided I will dedicate an entire blog post to in the future. At some point I guess the bartenders wanted to go home, so we hopped a pedi-cab and back to the hotel we went. Super swank room at the W - not nearly as cool as the one I stayed at in Minneapolis, but it was nice. I slept on the killer purple couch.

Saturday we had to run a couple of errands - picking up stuff, mailing it back to MN, haircuts and eyebrow waxes, a bit of shopping, and of course, mimosas. After accomplishing all of these goals, we stopped at a little go-kart place because if I'm anything, it's a giant kid. Go-Karts, Bumper Boats, and Skee Ball!! Ok, so my back hurt a little after playing Skee Ball for an hour, and I learned that I'm now too big for go-karts (also, don't wear a skirt to go-kart; lesson learned), but it seriously was a super fun afternoon.

We switched hotels on Saturday, something about keeping platinum status or something, so we ended up at the Phoenician. In a word, stunning. I work in the hospitality industry, so it's rare that I'm impressed with a hotel or resort, but this place was incredible. Might be the only time in my life I've stayed at a 5-diamond resort. It was gorgeous. After an afternoon spent being ridiculously lazy, we were off to the bar. Went back to the same one and it was much busier. I'm not generally a fan of packed bars, but after a couple of drinks, I was fine. Managed to meet about the only straight single guy in the place, which was awesome (it'd be even more awesome if I remembered his name....). The four of us went kicked it at an after bar somewhere and then back to the hotel to be bums.

Sunday brought more errands, more arguments and more food. We ended up back at the W at some point in the afternoon. Room wasn't ready, so we went to Sushi Roku to cocktail and kill time until the room was ready, or I had to be at the airport, whichever came first. After a while a couple chicks came down from the pool and we started talking to them. Super cool girls, which doesn't happen very often. Their friends were playing at some bar who's name I also can't recall, so I walked there with them and took a cab to the airport to catch my red eye back to the Big Sleaze.

Overall it was a decent weekend...not too expensive, not too many arguments. It was however, nice to be back here. It's almost starting to feel like home. But that's yet another story for a different day.

One would think....

That being cooped up in the house all weekend with a sore throat (save for a kickball game) would inspire me to write. One would be wrong. Instead of recapping the amazingness of the last week, I have been the laziest person alive, save for a couple of showers and a popsicle run. You'll just have to hold your breath* until such time as I decide to share my thoughts of the last ten days with you.

*I wouldn't actually hold your breath....it might be another couple of days.

Random thoughts....

I have a handful of sayings in life. The first is, I'll try almost anything twice. I will. If I don't like it the first time, who's to say my tastes may not evolve? I definitely qualify it by including "almost" because really, I'm not likely to try jumping in front of a moving vehicle more than once. And that's assuming I survive the first trial run.

The second is, It's not what you know, it's who you know. This also directly ties in with the third, which is, well, it's the Golden Rule. Not the one about whoever has the gold makes the rules, the other one. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I've been insanely fortunate in my life. I won't deny it and I won't apologize for it. I've met A list actors, I've made professional golfers laugh, I truly have the most incredible support system on the planet, I've seen some incredible music, I've eaten food most people can't imagine, I have a career that I love with every bit of my soul, and I've traveled to some of the most amazing places in the world. I've had a great life so far. Now that isn't to say I haven't had my fair share of downs, but I don't dwell on them.

I wouldn't have been able to accomplish or achieve ANY of these things without the people that I know. And I wouldn't know ANY of the people that I do without treating them the way I'd want to be treated. I've worked incredibly hard to get where I am, and I've met some incredible people along the way, all of whom I've treated as I'd like to be myself.

Y'all know who you are, and I love you dearly. I'm grateful beyond description to have you in my life, and I hope you'll always be there for me. I truly wouldn't be where I am today without you, and I won't get where I'm going without you. You're the best. Really the best.

I ask one thing of people that I meet, and I only hope that they're able to answer it as honestly as I am, and believe it. The question is - if you could be anyone, from any time period of life, living or passed on, who would you be?

All the ups and downs, the good and the bad, the sickness and the health, I wouldn't be anyone other than me. Regrets and successes, skinny or fat, there's no one on the planet, past or present, that I'd rather be than me. Not even Kate Middleton. Have you seen what Prince Charles looks like now?!?

Recap...

The last week has been somewhat of a blur....all starting with Thursday night.

Thursday was our last regular season kickball team. I caught wind of this team from one of my Krav instructors, he said the team was pretty cool, it was on Thursday nights, there's lots of flip cup, so I looked into it! Unfortunately, the minute I signed up for it, I jacked my knee and missed the first four games. In the last four games, I was 3-4 at the plate, made one catch, assisted on another, and FINALLY scored in our last game. Well, we have playoffs next weekend, but the regular season is over.

It's surprising how sad I am about it. Yesterday just didn't feel the same without the carolina blue shirt and tutu. Granted, we had our fantasy draft yesterday and I wouldn't have been able to play anyway, but I missed it. I missed the camaraderie and the adrenaline. I digress....after our last game we had our flip cup playoffs. I never actually participated in the competitive flipping, just a cheerleader, so I can't take credit for the three-peat. Yes, our team is the three time flip cup champs. You can see how this would turn into a long night.

Friday I watched the Saints game with a colleague and her brother, had a few margaritas, checked out the 5th Child CD release at the Banks Street Bar and went to bed early. Saturday was the Monday night kickball playoffs. I had planned on stopping by and watching a few of the games and my friend Karen was in town, and she was cool with checking it out. Sadly, it was a super rainy day, and I wasn't dressed to give the slip 'n slide a go. We managed to watch one game, and then went to Felipe's for lunch.

We both had different events to go to - her a fundraiser for the Make it Right foundation, and me, an Abita beer sponsored grub crawl. It was a bit disorganized, but the food was good, and the beers were paired perfectly. We reconnected at Howl at the Moon later and I eventually had to call it a night. We met up for lunch on Sunday and I gave her a ride to the airport. It's so wonderful having good friends come visit me; in the last few days, I've had two more friends confirm visits here. Please keep coming, it's an amazing city that has so much to offer. Plus, tourism is our main industry here, and being that I'm in it, I'd like to be able to keep working. :)

Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, I didn't really do much of anything. Wednesday I went out with the guys from the Krav studio - it's so interesting to see people out of the normal environment that you see them. These are the guys that yell and scream and push me harder than anyone ever has before, and yet seeing them out and about, they're big teddy bears that wrestle each other, listen to live music, scarf pizza at 2am. People absolutely fascinate me, watching how we interact with one another, the life choices we all make....funny the way it is.

Red Dress Run....

Wow. I'm pretty sure that's the only way to describe the train wreck that is the Red Dress Run. It's an event put on by the New Orleans Hashers, a running club with a drinking problem. Or is it the other way around? Either way, it was a blast.

6,000 plus people bar hopping down Bourbon Street, all in red dresses. Male, female, older, younger....everyone. It was pretty cool to see all the dresses and how creative people were with their outfits. I loved the sparkly shoes and the miniature hats, the stripper like outfits on guys that shouldn't be wearing them, and the banana hammock.

There were Everclear soaked cherries, daiquiris galore and plenty of free beer. There was dancing, there was laughter, there was bonding, probably some stripping and a whole lot of photos taken. The best part? Last year they donated $93,000 to various charities around the city. $93,000!!!!! Based on a quick calculation, they should easily be able to donate $150K this year. This city most definitely needs the charity dollars and they go to great local causes.

I'm happy to have been a part of it, and will definitely be back for it next year. My limit on cherries however will be one and not two. I shall also stay away from the daiquiris, though the mudslide/white russian combo is a thing of beauty.

This might be....

....the absolute sweetest thing I've ever read.

I can't even stand it. I'm going out on a limb here....one I rarely go out on. I hate admitting it, but I'm truly a closeted romantic. I've been single for a loooooong time, too long. Sorry Big, you don't factor in here, and we both know why. I love you though. :)

I know what I want in life. I knew it when I was a bright eyed 19 year old applying for a front desk job at an extended stay hotel. I wanted to see the world and retire at our Aruba property. At the time I just said it, because I thought it sounded good. This lofty, ridiculously unattainable goal that I'd never achieve, but would get me this job, in this moment, because I needed one.

Until the moment I packed up my car and started the trek down here, I never actually believed I'd ever get out of Minnesota. That'd I'd settle and be married and be comfortable for comfort's sake. I want to live in New York. I want to live in Ireland. I want to see and experience everything this world has to offer in my lifetime. But I didn't ever think it would happen. I really didn't. But knowing now, that I'm able to pack up my life and just go, it truly feels like it could be a reality. It makes me believe. It's ignited a passion in me like I've never felt before.

It makes me sad. I makes me sad that I missed the birth of my newest nephew. It makes me sad that I missed the funeral of Uncle Bill, the one that always picked on me when I was a child. It makes me sad because it isolates me from the people I care about so deeply I can't stand the thought of being without them. It makes me sad because I'm alone. I know in my heart I'm not, I have so many friends and family members that would do anything for me (and I the same for them), but physically I'm alone.

Back to the closeted romantic.....I honestly think I'd die if someone wrote a column like that to me. I want the kind of relationship he speaks of. I want my best friend and partner there by my side. I want the fairy tale ending, even if it's a hair different than the "typical" fairy tale ending. And because of where I want my life to go, and the things I want to achieve, I have this undeniable feeling that I'm going to have to achieve all of it on my own. Without that one solid person in life that will always be there for me. It's because of my drive and my unwillingness to sacrifice those things I want. I've never been good at compromise, I mean sure, I will, but when it comes to my dreams, I can't see myself giving them up for anyone. Nor would I want anyone else to for me. Scratch that, of course I would, but if they did, I wouldn't respect them.

I close myself off from it because it's safer that way. If I think about it objectively, it doesn't matter. There's a line in a song, "I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all". Not me. I'd rather feel nothing at all. It's easier to not feel than it is to think about what I really want and not having it and hurting because the only person I have to blame for it is me.

It's quite the conundrum.....having the life that I crave and the passion to do it, but not being able to share it with that special someone. I know there's a balance, but I haven't found it yet, and the thought that I might not ever....well....makes me sad. It doesn't make me question the way I lead my life, because I'd rather live now. I'm not sure which is worse, regretting all the things I could have had, or all the things I didn't. I try to lead a life without regret - a good friend once said it best - don't regret anything in life, because at the time, it was exactly what you wanted. And to this point, I've gotten exactly what I've wanted at the time, and if it wasn't what I wanted, I learned from it and changed future decisions. I want that balance so badly, it just seems so far away....

So send me flowers or something. And thank you, Andrew Cohen, for letting me know that it's possible.

If anyone needs me on Saturday....

....I'll be here. I'll be the one in red. I'll probably have a cool backpack thing too.

Anyone know a good...

Doctor? I need one. One that can make 'tear duct removal' a necessary procedure for me. See, the thing is, I hate crying. And I know I'm likely jumping the gun a bit, but see, there's a day next year that I know will make me cry, and it's a moment in life that I'd like to be able to pull it together for.

My amazing sister. She's so unbelievably lucky. On September 2, 2011, she gets to wear the most stunning dress, and get walked down the aisle by her amazing fathers (I think), and she gets to marry the man of her dreams. He's lucky too; she's freaking hot. Like sunlike hot. Back to the point.

She has given me the most amazing honor one could ask of a sister or best friend (and I'm hoping I'm both). She's asked, and I've accepted, the honor of standing up for her as her maid of honor. I'm humbled beyond words, and so grateful and sad at the same time. It's painful to be away from such a great part of her life, in this amazing journey over the next year. I want so badly to be there every step of the way, and I can't.

I'll elaborate more further, but the chicken mcnugget kick she got me on over the weekend is kicking my butt right now. Forever the planner than I am, I'm already thinking about the speech. I know how to start it, and where to go with it, and I can't wait to share this ridiculously special evening with them. I really can't. I want it to be this labor day. To celebrate the incredible love that they share, and to be there to start an incredible journey. To be a part of it. Words can't describe. It's easy to type....but to say it, out loud, in front of people that I love with every fiber of my being....yeah. I'm gonna need that tear duct surgery.

Molly. Thomas. I love you, and am happy beyond description. I'm so excited for you, and grateful that you've asked me to be a part of a day you'll never forget. You both mean the world to me and I couldn't be happier for you if I tried.

And I TOTALLY know what I'm getting you. And if you yell at me about it, I'll fight you. Even if you're the bride. :)

I love you both with ever fiber of my being, and I can't wait to be a part of your special day. Thank you. Truly, thank you.

Three Martini Lunch

Yes please! I met Hannah at the England/USA game. Last week was her birthday. A Facebook invite was sent out, and because our schedules are both crazy, I hadn't seen her since the day I met her. I immediately responded that I would be there - if the three course lunch didn't catch my eye, the $.25 martinis sure did!!

There were about 15 of us, most of them her colleagues. I was seated with a bunch of random people I didn't know and will likely never see again. There was good conversation, laughs by most (I didn't get most of their jokes - being an outsider sucks!), but overall it was a great time.

My total bill was $40, for a delightful watermelon gazpacho, a chilled shrimp salad with peppers and a coconut curry dressing, and a peach sorbet with honey cinnamon. Oh, and three cosmos. 3. Best. Deal. Ever! I highly recommend Commander's Palace. Except for one of our servers for rolling her eyes at one of my table mates. I know he was asking a lot, but don't roll your eyes on the floor. That's absurd. Especially considering the price point of your food. You're better than that.

After lunch, we sat around chatting for a bit, then one of the girls wanted to get a tattoo. So the five of us headed over to the tattoo parlor and she got her fleur de lis. I know it's super cliche, but I really am starting to want one. I have no idea where I'd put it, due to the two that are already on my ankles....my shoulder blade and lower back, well any part of my back, are out completely, I have no desire to have one on my arm, so that leaves my hip. And I'm really not digging that placement. What if I get fat again? What if for some reason I rethink my stance on children? Ok, so the second question is a stretch. So that would leave legs and feet. Maybe the top of my foot? Maybe? I think it would be cool to get one for every place I've lived...though if all goes according to plan, that would pretty much cover me...hmmm. Going to ponder this a while.

Anyway, after the tattoos, we all headed home, to nap, shower, whatever before the bigger party that evening. I opted out of the festivities on account of my early morning, but all in all it was a great day. I met a lot of people, ate some really good food, saw more of the city and laughed lots. We have plans for a girls night next week - complete with a stripper pole class!! I really am enjoying myself here. Come visit please.

Hemming and hawing....

I do a lot of it. I question everything I say or do or imagine. I over-think just about everything, from a passing glance to the shoes on my feet. I stress out over little things, but when the sky falls, there’s a peace about me.

The latest thing I’ve been on the fence about is…well…I’m going to try to not be specific. I had a major heart to heart with about the only person I trust in this city. I mean, there are people that I trust, and there are people that I TRUST. He’s not quite to the latter, but close. As close as I have within 1000 miles anyway.

I’ve been pondering a conversation, one that hasn’t taken place. One that I may not want to take place. I’m afraid of the result, but if I don’t ask, I’ll never know. This is me, over-thinking. Which would be worse, a result I don’t want, or not knowing if I could have it all. And when I think about that, would it even be having it all? Or would it be a fleeting moment or moments?

There’s this thing in life, distance. Be it physical or emotional or whatever. It’s a bitch. The issue currently isn’t distance, but it will be in the future. It will either get better or it will get worse. So, do I ask the question and risk getting an answer I don’t want? Or do I just enjoy the present and hope that the rest will work out? I know, I know…hope in one hand and shit in the other. If it’s just the physical, that’s easy, no? Well, maybe not easy, but temporary and workable.

I guess what I’m trying to say, is it better to not know and just enjoy what’s in front of you, or is it better to not get what you want (even if you don’t know exactly what that is)? It’s a 50/50 shot I guess….no risk no reward? Or appreciate what you’ve got while you’ve got it?