Why can't.....

We have it all? I've been a bit of a debbie downer lately, with associated personal and career issues as of late, so I've been internalizing and compartmentalizing, and now I'm ready to focus on something else. This is going to be a bit of a depressing post, so fair warning on that. But hopefully, by me getting it off my chest, I'll feel better about it and more positive. Everything that I'm posting today is going to be discussed with an objective outsider on Wednesday, and I'm really hoping that will help.

It's no secret that my current work environment isn't ideal....don't get me wrong, I love my job and I love the physical building I work in. My boss pretends I don't exist most days, and all I get are corporate mumbo jumbo e-mails from her maybe every other day. I've been looking for jobs for most of this year, and finally had a couple of interviews I was very excited about. I really have no desire to move out of this city just yet, but I can't keep complaining about the same things without doing anything to fix them. So, since I've tried talking with my boss, HR, the GM to try and get the situation resolved, the only other options are A: Out of the department, B: Out of the hotel, C: Out of the company, or D: Out of the city. After much thought over these options, I decided the best one was to be out of the city. Well, there was a job in the department at a different hotel here, but I didn't get that. Nor did I get the other two that I just applied for. Which has certainly not helped this feeling of utter rejection in pretty much every aspect of my life.

Now, due to the rejection of my previous living arrangement, I've signed another year lease here in the Crescent City. Not that I'm not excited about it, but now, not only do I feel rejection, I feel trapped. I'm in a neighborhood I like, with a roommate I'm pretty good friends with (but not too good), and I no longer have the stress of having a week and a half to find a place to keep me from being homeless. Now I know the only person I have to blame for that is myself, but it still sucks to actually get to that point. Especially when some of the circumstances that led to that point weren't completely within your control, and perhaps a little understanding and reassurance would have helped instead of avoidance and being a jerk. But I digress. We'll have our electricity turned on tomorrow, so I won't be sleeping by myself, in a house with no lights after today. I may actually even unpack this time.

In any event, despite all of the crappy things that were happening to me (work, life, family, etc.), I found some sort of solitude and even dare I say happiness making out with a boy that I've been friends with for a while. Two months of laughter, cuddling, bar hopping, football watching, cartoon introduction and some other things, have now (hopefully not permanently) been taken away from me. And I'm really not sure why. The pause timetable is about a month, but after a month of being "just friends" after not being "just friends", I'm uncertain I'll want to go back. Which is why time is of the essence here. I'm trying not to freak out and be all girly (failed over the weekend, pretty miserably, actually), but I really don't know what I did or didn't do that was wrong. There was never any pressure for a relationship, or titles or any of that other crap that society forces on two people. So long as we weren't doing anything with others that we were doing with each other (naked, obviously), and we were still having fun hanging out too, what was the problem? This is what I don't understand about men: I was offering everything that most men would kill for: no strings per se, time to do your own thing, as much usage of the "benefits" as you'd like, no titles, just a promise to communicate. If you want out, just tell me. I guess that's the answer.....He did. I just want to understand why. Apparently there's a fear of hurting me, because he "at least" wants to be friends. But, he's already hurt me. So why can't we just forget the last week, and go back to the last two months and have it all? Ugh....stupid me.....always overthinking everything.

The last thing that's been eating at me has been family related. Not that I saw my siblings and nephews a ton when I lived at home, living 1300 miles away has taken a toll on me that I never expected. When I hear that I'm R's favorite aunt, having not have seen him more than twice in the last year, I realize all that I'm missing out on because I was too selfish to just stick it out in Minneapolis for a while. Am I happier than when I left? No. Am I any sadder than when I left? No. It's just different and it sucks to not be able to hang out with my sister because I'm having a bad day. Compounding this frustration and sadness, is the issue with my mother, which I won't get into to far. I haven't spoken with her since July. This was my choice and the last possible resort to deal with a situation that's been festering pretty much since I can remember. This particular person has been given a pass for far too long simply because she gave birth to me. Anyone else would have been out of my life long, long ago. This is the most I've discussed with anyone, and so I shall leave it for another day. I can't say it's been eating at me, because I really haven't dealt with it at all since July, but I know it's there, and I know it needs to be fixed. Of all the relationships in my life that are in various stages of disarray, I know I need some resolution with this one. At the end of the day, family is more important than anything, and as much as I'm hurting about a boy, a job, finances and other things, this one is far and away the worst.

I'm going to really put more effort into this, now that I'll have a home environment that doesn't make me want to leave the house every moment that I'm awake. I've got some saved that I have to re-read, so that should keep me going for a couple weeks. There are some super fun events that I want to fill in, but I'll get to those as I can. I know I'm not alone in the thoughts above....whether you're there now, or will be or have been. I need to stop with the self loathing and melting down (though N says I've only done that a handful of times in the 12 years I've known her), and just be grateful for the things and people I do have. My dad coming next month, my siblings, their families, my friends, two months of bliss here and there, my health (though that's been questionable as of late), a job that I love, a beer named after me and new sunglasses. Now I can get back to pretending I'm Corey Hart. Maybe that's what's been missing.

Worst. Date. Ever.

This story always entertains me. Several years ago, I loaded a profile onto Match.com. Overall the experience wasn't terrible, but nothing ever materialized for me. Most of the guys I met I went out on a couple of dates with, and all they ever seemed to want was sex. Which is fine, maybe throw that on your profile or something. (I have serious issues with people not saying what it is they want. It would make life so much easier if they'd just put it out there.)

Well, this guy. This guy. He was....something. Met through Match and e-mailed for a couple of weeks before deciding to meet at Azia for drinks. We sat and had a couple drinks, couple apps and a great conversation. He was somewhat shy, as am I, so the pace of the conversation was a bit slow to begin with. He suggested we head over to Pancho Villa across the street. We had a couple of margaritas and some guac (I'm a guacaholic). As the evening came to a close, he asked if I'd like to go out again. He seemed really average to me, but I agreed to another date, if only because I believe in trying almost everything twice. We shared a sweet kiss and parted ways.

We made plans for the next week; I agreed to meet him at his house and we'd go from there - dinner and perhaps a movie either in a theater or at his place. Now, keep in mind I rarely give up on anything, here begins the end. I arrived at 5, the agreed upon time. I rang the doorbell. Nothing. Again. Nothing. And once for good measure. I called, no answer. At this point, I'm annoyed, but will give him another 5 minutes. Literally as the clock ticked to 5:15, he called. He got home from work and fell asleep on the couch. Keep track kids, this was red flag #1.

He eventually comes out, apologizes profusely and we head to some Chinese joint who's name I can't recall. I had soup and we had a couple apps. The tab comes and he throws in enough money for his half. Wait, did you not ask ME out? I'm all about paying for myself, if it's agreed upon beforehand, or if I'm really not having a good time. But YOU. You asked me out. And were late. Red flag #2.

I'm definitely a three strikes girl. I'm also a graceful exit girl. So when we get back to his apartment for a movie (I had left my car there anyway), I find out he has a dog. Not a big deal (I'm allergic but can deal), but he obviously had not trained his dog. He cleaned it up and I thought he was just going to flush it. He did. But then he went to the restroom. WITH THE DOOR OPEN. ON THE SECOND DATE. Red flags #3 and #4 within a minute of each other.

Now my brain totally goes into exit strategy mode. Little did I know it was going to get worse. He put in a movie, and maybe 10 minutes in, he gets up to go to the bathroom again. AND AGAIN FAILS TO CLOSE THE DOOR. If he had closed the door, I likely would have put my coat on while he was in there and left when he came out. Door being open though, not an option.

As soon as he sits down on the couch he tried to kiss me. I got up quickly and headed for the bathroom. I needed something. Anything. Any reason to leave. I'm a TERRIBLE liar...so I was going to use the early meeting excuse. I was ready to rock. I washed my hands, pulled it together and opened the door.

HE WAS NAKED ON THE COUCH

Completely, butt ass naked. After throwing up a little in my mouth, I let him know I had an early meeting and would be heading out. Told him not to get up, I could let myself out.

I then went to my local bar, and told the story of my worst date ever to anyone that would listen. I got several free drinks and quite a few phone numbers out of the deal, so it wasn't a complete bust. A few days later I received an e-mail from him asking when I'd like to go out again. I politely said that I didn't think we were going to be a good match, and that I was about to get very busy with work.

I thought that would be the end of it, but apparently this town is ridiculously small. The first time I saw him after that was at a beer event in Uptown. I see him about every six months, and always chuckle about it to myself and anyone else around. The worst date ever. With Creepy Naked Guy.

Whew.

I have just arrived home from my first official big catering function - a family reunion for about 100 people. Overall it went well - the client was extremely happy....but there were a couple of bumps in the road that I will address with the appropriate personnel.

The last couple weeks have been an absolute blast. I had a couple of super downer moments, none of which I will get into here. Yet. You like reading about the fun stuff anyway. I'll roll back to a couple Tuesdays ago, when I was greeted with my first Minnesota faces. My friend Angel was here for a conference and brought her friend Karen with. It was sooooooo unbelievably nice to have some familiarity in my life. We met up for dinner and a stroll down Bourbon. Hit up the Funky Pirate Bar to see Big Al Carson - who's AWESOME! TONS of laughs were had and I'm super sad they're gone now.

My Thursday plans got switched to Wednesday...we were going to check out this super cool wine bar, but decided on a night in front of the TV instead. It's a place called W.I.N.O - Wine Institute of New Orleans. You buy a card or start a tab, and you're able to sample 1, 2 or 4 oz. pours of 120 different wines. They have an amazing cheese selection and the hummus is To. Die. For. I'm blanking on what I did that Thursday...when it comes to me I shall recap it.

Friday was back to the Quarter. My friends were still in town, so we met at my hotel, had a couple drinks and apps, gave them a tour and then embarked on our evening. The original plan was to meander down Royal Street, stopping at whatever struck our fancy for an app and a drink. Of course, we detoured off our plan, and right into a Pimm's Cup at some hotel bar. Not just any hotel bar, but a rotating hotel bar. Yes, it's kitschy, but it was pretty cool. I had been there previously with a friend, and while it took some getting used to, overall it was a pretty cool experience. We were going to hit up an Irish Pub down the street, but ended up grabbing Mexican food at Felipe's. It's like Chipotle, only better and cheaper. We were going to try to avoid Bourbon street, but we ended up meeting some other friends of theirs at the Cat's Meow. I believe I've recapped the rest of this evening in a previous post....

Saturday I picked up the girls at their hotel and we went out to a local (to me) bar to watch soccer and grab lunch. After recapping their week, we called a cab and they headed to the airport. I napped most of the rest of the afternoon (much needed) and had resigned myself to an evening home alone. Welcome to Loserville, population Me. Around 10 in the evening, a colleague called asking if I had any interest in going out with some new people at work. Let me check my calendar....um....YES! We met at Rendezvous bar (fitting, no?), and from there to Balcony Bar (where the infamous kickball drinkoff took place the week prior). From there we were whisked away to Monkey Hill where they had a decent band playing and then finished up that portion of the evening at Philips.

I'm used to going out for happy hour, and being home, in bed, asleep by 10 at night usually. Even on weekend. Here however, no one really goes out until late (like 11), and since the bars don't really close, they stay out until the sun comes up. This does not make for any sort of rational sleeping habits, I tell you. Anyway, I met up with the girl I was supposed to live with when I moved here and we played Apples to Apples with some of her friends until the wee hours of the morning. It was super fun, and great to meet some new people. Sunday I slept in, was a horribly lazy bum, and eventually made it out to the kickball fields. Joined a friend for ice cream and had an early night.

This past week has absolutely flown by. Actually, the two months I've been here have been an absolute blur. Last week was filled with kickball and doctors appointments and soccer and cocktails. I was sadly unable to play the first week of kickball this week - hopefully next week I'll be back to normal. My team is super fun as is the whole league. It's in a different part of town than I normally hang out, so it's nice to see a new part of the city. Had a massive heart to heart with a colleague who I hope I can trust, took a trip back to being a kid and watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and had a bunch of ice cream and pastries. I really need to watch what I'm eating around here...all this rich food has the potential to result in not so happy things for me.

All in all, its been another amazing couple of weeks. This weekend is filled with the Running of the Bulls, soccer, kickball, more soccer and perhaps even Despicable Me. My knee is getting better by the hour (though that could be the painkillers my orthopedist gave me), so hopefully I'll be back in the Krav studio by Tuesday and contributing to our kickball team in some other way that beer drinking and clapping.

Did I mention the "Slap Cuzzies"??? If not, they're awesome on many, many levels.

I know you’re all dying to know…

What happened to the knee. Let’s start with a PSA: Tequila is fine. Mechanical Bulls are fine. Tequila + Mechanical Bull + Old Skiing Injury = Recipe for Disaster.

I learned at the ripe age of 18 that trying to impress people was silly. Well, let’s modify that. It’s not silly. It’s silly to try and impress someone when you know nothing about them. I speak from experience here. I was skiing after class one afternoon, and noticed a rather cute boy on the slopes with me. After several times down the hill, we ended up on the chair lift together. Conversation was had, badgering me to go of the jumps took place and eventually, wanting to impress cute boy, I acquiesced. The first two times down the hill went rather breezily. The third times the charm, right? Only the wrong charm. Fast forward to me falling rather ungracefully, and ending up in the hospital with him.

Only to find out he had a girlfriend.

Fast forward to the present, and we’re sitting here, knee ace-wrapped and covered in ice. I’ve been popping Advil like it’s going out of style. I’ve been through this before, many times, either due to my wicked dance moves or Whiskey Tree with ‘The Fetus’ (NOT my name for him). And usually all is well in a couple of days.

I’ve been on a mechanical bull once or twice in my life, so when it was suggested, I was up for it. I mainly wanted to see my friend on it, and the only way she was going was if I went first. Apparently it didn’t matter that she’d already done it earlier in the week. So, after barhopping around Royal Street and dinner at Felipe’s, we met up with some friends at the Cat’s Meow. We’re all having one of the best nights of our life and finally decide to have our way with the bull. After a pit stop at a tequila bar, we sauntered into our destination. I wasn’t intimidated in the slightest.

We got signed up, grabbed a drink and got in line. I was trying not to watch the other girls on the bull, mainly because I didn’t want any of them to intimidate me. I think I’m pretty kick ass, but I know there are MUCH hotter chicks on the planet and since I’m not one of them, they intimidate me. Anyhow, we’re chatting, laughing, trying to figure out where to go after this, because really, how can you top a mechanical bull on Bourbon Street?!

(Un)lucky for us, we didn’t have to figure that out. I was on the bull so long, I eventually got bored with it. So I asked the guy to flip me off. The whole time, telling myself to fall off to the left. To the LEFT!! Why would that happen? That would be too easy! Well, I went off to the right, and the moonwalk-ness of the padding didn’t make for a solid landing. And my knee buckled. I had to haul myself off the mat with a basically useless right leg and somehow stand up without anyone being the wiser. I don’t think anyone was, which gives me some satisfaction (ah, the retention of even a little bit of dignity makes all the difference).

My gimpiness pretty much sealed the fate of the evening unfortunately. We were having such a good time! I stayed off it as much as I could over the weekend, thinking that it would be better in the morning, just like it always has been. Monday morning rolled around, and it felt almost worse. Off to the urgent care facility for me. Nothing is broken, thankfully, but there is something floating around in there, and some sort of arthritis is developing. Christ, I’m 29, not 79! How the eff can I have ‘some sort of arthritis’?! Anyhow, an appointment has been made with an orthopedist, and an MRI will hopefully be taken. I’ve known for a long time that surgery was in my future….I was just hoping it would be after the age of 30 and not before.

Send good thoughts to my knee. And for the love of god, don’t mix bad knees, tequila and mechanical bulls. All are fine separately, but the three together are just asking for trouble.

This will not destroy me....

It will make me stronger! Cliché, cliché, cliché. I’m a walking, talking, living, breathing cliché. Of course, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m also a ridiculous blonde sometime, most recently in the sense that I completely blew off a site tour at another hotel to watch soccer. Really?! I neglected to put it in my Outlook calendar; if it’s not in my Outlook calendar, it doesn’t exist. I felt awful about it, especially considering what transpired in the interim (future blog post), but because it was at one of our sister properties. Eventually the sales guy made it to the happy hour spot and I bought him a couple beers to smooth things over. How ridiculously unprofessional of me.

We all departed and with my plans for the evening in the same place my phone was a couple months ago (the toilet for those not in the know), I could have sat home and moped about. Instead, I went and had dinner at our hotel bar, and discovered a new bar in a new part of town.

At the Mono concert a couple of weeks ago, a fellow fan and I were discussing music in general and where to go to see it. Music is one thing that is definitely not lacking in this town. He mentioned that there was a similar band playing the following week called “This Will Destroy You” at a bar in the Bywater called Saturn Bar (though for some reason I always want to call it Sunset Bar). I decided to hell with it, I was going to go enjoy some decent live music. Even if it was by myself.

And enjoy I did. They were awesome. A little more rock-y than Mono, but the sound was great. The bar was slightly too small for a stage, so they were actually playing in the audience. I didn’t catch the name of the opening band, but met a couple of the members. Good guys and decent music. Overall, the night could have been a complete bust, but I made the most of it and ended up having a most delightful evening.

Amazing what a little positivity does to a person….

The more things change...

The more they stay the same.....

I'm glad my phone wouldn't let me write this portion of the blog - a few too many Guinness coupled with an irritated lady do not make for niceness. I checked out the apartment in the Quarter, and it was, as expected, quite the fixer-upper. I could see the cuteness of it, but the lack of laundry is really what made me say no. So the search continues.

One of my colleagues was having a day from hell, so happy hour was a must. I had an appointment to look at another place, but we were having too much fun, and so I rescheduled it for today. After my counterpart left, it was just myself and our assistant. We were laughing and discussing the plans for the rest of the evening when a cute boy sat down next to me. He had been in the bar before, and while I thought he was cute, the first thing I noticed was his height. Or lack thereof.

Anyone that knows me knows I'm a tall drink of water. I'm 5'10" flat footed and can frequently be found in 3+" heels. While I'm not opposed to dating someone the same height, I generally don't date guys that are shorter than me. Not that I had any inclination to think he'd even be interested, just throwing it out there. There have been exceptions to the rule, and it's not to say I wouldn't again, but my preference regarding the male species is that they are taller than me. I applaud Nicole Kidman for doing it for so long, but even she upgraded in the height department.

Eventually he introduced himself to us ladies, and apparently works pretty close to us (he also happens to have the same name as my sisters fiancé, so that's strike two). He challenged me to a Google duel with my iPhone (he works for Verizon) and I handily kicked his ass. As such, he bought us a round of drinks. My lady friend departed to some pool thing with her brother, and so I was left to my own devices with this boy.

Pool sounded interesting to me, so we went to some divey place called Chucks. On the walk over, he was telling me about some dating service and arguing about why it was ok for Clinton to get his knob slobbed in the Oval Office by some intern (he for some reason felt it was - strike three). Drinks were ordered, pool table was racked. He made mention of getting laid and I made mention of if he wanted to get laid, he was hanging out with the wrong chick and should probably find somewhere else to get tail. He apparently kept trying, but would not acquiesce to my request for at least a couple of dates first.

Here's where I get irritated. His exact words (or close enough since by this point things were a bit fuzzy) were, "I think you and I will be great friends.". Which I'm completely fine with!! Duh, I just moved here! Dating is the last thing on my mind, and even if it weren't, you're STILL shorter than me! So, my response, in typical me fashion, was, "That's cool. I don't usually date guys that are shorter than me anyway.". Apparently he felt this was a hit below the belt. I was simply stating a fact. When a guy says "I think we'll be good friends", a chick hears "I'm not interested in anything other than sleeping with you", which I had made VERY clear wasn't going to happen. Why is that so flippin difficult to understand!? I very clearly stated my intentions, and he gets upset and calls ME a game player?! WTF?!?! THIS, this is the precise reason I'm not dating! Men are too effing stupid! That's not to say I'm even remotely entertaining the thought of going the other way about it, but whatever.

So he gets huffy and leaves. I'm standing there, in complete disbelief that I've just been left in a bar, by a somewhat cute boy, pool cue in hand, and about ready to cry. I walk to the bathroom, look at myself in the mirror, and say, "He's not worth it. He's not worth crying over. You said what you needed to, and he couldn't handle it, and there's no sense in being upset over someone that's being an idiot.". I pulled it together, sat down at the bar, smoked a cigarette, thanked the bartender for taking care of us and walked out the door, head held high.

And there he is. Across the street on the phone (likely looking for a backup to nail). He crossed to my side of the street and anything he said, I really didn't hear. I just kept walking. I made it to the end of the corner and turned around. He was still standing there. Looking forlornly at me, I think hoping I'd come back. And so, of course, in typical me fashion, I did. He tried to pull me in for a kiss, but I was so steamed I was having none of it. I tried to stop being so emasculating earlier in the evening, but I just couldn't help myself. I pulled up the keypad on my phone and told him he had 5 seconds to give me his number or it was the last time he'd see me. And the countdown was on. He kept trying to speak, but nothing that came out of his mouth was a number. So when I got to zero, I turned around, wrested my arm from his grip and walked away into the night. Part of me hoped he'd come running after me, but the smarter part of me is glad he didn't. I didn't turn around once. And when I got back to my room, and put my head on the pillow, all was right in the world.

He said us meeting was fate, and while it may be, I still think he's a douche and doesn't deserve even the lowliest title of acquaintance.

On to happier things! There is a festival here this weekend called Bayou Boogaloo. I'm so in, it's ridiculous. Will report back on Monday. Have a good weekend all!