End of the month...

Wow. I need to dedicate more time to this. Just figured out my NY resolution. Once a week, whether it needs it or not, this blog is getting updated. Unlike my 12 resolutions of 2010 (all of which I failed at, I think), I'm going to stick with one and do it. Pick one thing, and it gets done, excellently. 2-3 things and maybe 2 get done, marginally. Any more than that, and it's setting yourself up to fail. And I hate that. Failing. Almost as much as being helpless.

So, let's start the new year off. Almost a month late, but whatever. My first thoughts on new years day this year included, "how did I get home?", "how did I get to wherever I am (which clearly is not home)?", and "where are my pants?". To answer them, I didn't get home until later in the day, for I was dogsitting my dear friends dear friend. I believe a couple of saints delivered me to the couch, though I don't really have any recollection of the ride home. Other than talking a lot. I think. Pants were safely recovered....for some reason, I thought under my pillow was a good place for them. And to answer the question I know you're all asking, I woke up alone, save for my friends pup.

It was a good new years, as good as one can be. There was flip cup and friends and Patron Cafe and gummi bears and keg stands and hats (not just party hats, fedoras!), and champagne and dancing and most importantly of all, no frakking snow! The only way it could have been better would have been to have my friends from MN here. After getting through Christmas sans friends and family (but with a cute Brit), I was a bit blue about starting the new year off with people I've known less than half a year. I'm keeping a positive attitude about this move, but there are some days when I sit back and think, "I wish I could click my heels three times, and be back in the 612.". Maybe my friends and family will wise up and move south.

The Monday following, kickball started again, and all seemed to be right with the world. I joined another drinking team with a kickball problem, full of cute boys and fun girls, not the catty kind that I want to punch. We all get along pretty well, but aren't that great at kickball. Flipcup, however, we are undefeated. I feel as though I may have unintentionally created some drama, not because I wanted to, but because I made a decision last year without really thinking or understanding the situation. Obviously alcohol was involved, and I likely would have made the same decision, but only because I wasn't aware of the other entity present. I rarely make decisions to consciously hurt someone, and while that decision wasn't the one that could have hurt, it was the decision to make it known. I probably could have kept my mouth shut, but anyone that knows me knows that's rarely an option either...hence my kickball nickname, "Record Skip".

We've played three games, two losses and one tie. This week got rained out again so makeup games are on Saturday. Unfortunately half of our team won't be there, so hopefully we'll be competitive. I also signed up to edit our newsletter. It's a lot of work, but there was free tequila involved. Plus, it's nice to be a part of something new. And also, I'm super nerdy, so this is right up my alley.

My counterpart at work is leaving at the end of this week, off to brighter pastures across the city. He'll be doing the same thing at a bigger hotel and while I'm extremely happy for him, I'm sad. I'm really going to miss him, though I'd never admit it to his face. We're like siblings and I'm going to miss the camaraderie and the venting and him making me cry at the bar all the time. He makes me think and asks the tough questions and while I don't always agree with his process or opinion, I love and respect him. And I really, truly hope he's happy in his new role.

Along with him leaving, comes twice as much for me until we get a replacement. We are also down an admin assistant so I've been super crazy at work the last couple of weeks. I had a big group in this week and an even bigger one next week, and I know I'm not at the top of my game. I can only be in so many places. I'm not responding to e-mails as quickly, and I think I'm missing the spark in my eye. That twinkle that is there when I'm really happy with something. I should be happy with my work, my clients sure are. For last year, my overall customer satisfaction was over 90%. I'm striving for perfection this year, and knowing my responsiveness is slower than normal is really hitting me hard. Harder than it should. Because I want so desperately to be 100%. Because if I am, I'll feel validated. That this move was the right thing to do. That this job is my passion. That I can overcome. And I'm worried that it's starting out all wrong.

I'll leave with a thought, one that I discovered this morning on something so insignificant as a luggage tag. "We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment." -Hilare Belloc It's true. It hit me like a sock full of oranges. I'm at my happiest when I'm traveling. The only trip I took last year that wasn't home was to Arizona for 48 hours. I'm sad that I'm not going to Mexico next month with the greatest people I know, save for my parents. I'm sad that the only trips I have planned for this year are back home. I'm scared that I won't make it to Europe or the Caribbean or somewhere else fabulous. It makes me want to cry that I didn't go to New York last year. Because all of those places fulfill a simple need in me to be completely anonymous. To be able to walk around all day and night and not know a soul until we're sitting across the bar, or exhibit hall of a museum and one of us catches the others eye and says "Hello.".

It may not be this year, but next year, I will definitely have those moments again. Because I'm tired of wandering.

Thanksgiving

I meant to to this yesterday, but slept all day instead. It was the most relaxing, stressless Thanksgiving I've ever had. For all the whining I did about being an orphan, it was kind of nice actually. In between naps, I really had an opportunity to reflect on the last year, the last six months, and figure out what exactly it is I'm thankful for.

I must say, that after coming home from my best friends birthday party, and being around all the people I love so much, the week and a half leading up to yesterday was a bit of a challenge for me. For all the years I whined about going to St. Cloud, or St. Paul or wherever, the thought of not being around my family was a rather large pill to swallow. Coupling that with the notion that I'm officially less than 6 months away from being 30....well, it felt a lot like a midlife crisis to me. Thankfully, there isn't a new corvette in my driveway.

So, on to the things I'm grateful for. I'm thankful I live in a city where there isn't snow on the ground. Matter of fact, it's raining right now. I could be complaining about how cold 60 degrees is, but it could be worse. At least I have warm clothes and a roof over my head. So, I'm thankful for that; having a job that I adore (even if I don't always adore the people I work with), that provides a comfortable place to put my head and food in my belly.

I'm thankful for my wonderful family, even though I take y'all for granted sometimes. You mean the absolute world to me and I'm so lucky to have some of the best family a girl could ask for. I love that you constantly surprise me, I love the way you make me laugh, the way you make me cry (yes, sister, you and your wedding dress are going to make me cry), the way I can come to you with a question or a problem and you'll give me exactly the answer I need, not the one that I want. I appreciate you more than words can describe. I love you.

My friends. Some of you belong in the previous paragraph, (you know who you are). I have the most amazing friends ever. Some of you I've known forever, some only a short time, but the amount of fun I have with y'all is really pretty incredible. We've done some stupid things, some crazy things, some wildly awesome things, and at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what it is we've done, because we've done it together. I love you more than life itself, because you make life worth living.

One last group of people, then a giant list of stuff I'm thankful for. It may sound odd, but I'm grateful for all the people in life that have wronged me, lied to me, cheated on me, made me question my faith in people. These are the people that teach me how to be a better person, to not take people for granted, to return a phone call even if you don't want to, to ask for what it is you want and tell what it is you don't. I've learned so much from these people about what I want and don't want in life, and while it's caused a fair amount of pain to me, I'm grateful for it. I can't thank you enough for showing me how not to live life.

And my list of stuff I'm thankful for: this pretty MacBook that I'm typing this on, iPhone, my fancy schmancy shoes, watermelon in November, red velvet cake, RSVP pens, satin sheets, the smell of bacon (and taste, really), a general lack of artistic talent, short skirts and high heels, the color purple (not the movie, the actual color), the five senses, Surly Beer, compliments, the egg rolls at Que Viet, naps, the inventor of the vibrator, kickball, gyros, humor, the Dewey Decimal system, loud music, Anchorman, tomfoolery and shenanigans, quality literature, football (even if my home team sucks), photographic evidence, passports and impulsive behavior, champagne cocktails, Jeopardy, Special K, mini-golf and go-karts, In 'n Out Burger, Random Bar Night, kittens, fantasy football, online shopping, The Simpsons, po' boys.

WTF??

Ever have those moments, where you just sit back and reflect, and go "What the F was I thinking?"? I've certainly had my fair share of them, probably other people's fair share as well.

I've had quite a few of them in the past weeks and months. WTF was I thinking moving here? WTF was I thinking entertaining the thought that people are actually trustworthy and good? WTF was I thinking helping out someone so ungrateful? WTF is with the humidity here? WTF was I thinking leaving the comfort of my life in MN?

I'm so torn, it's ridiculous. I loved and hated the comfort there. I like being uncomfortable. It's excites me and thrills me and challenges me to be better. To attain what I want. To experience something new.

At the same time, I love the comfort. Of being able to call my best friend on a moment's notice to check out a photo exhibit. Of having my mom so close I can call and have lunch with her. To be able to go out with my best guy friends and laugh and play pool and throw darts and be one of the guys.

It's only been six months. I know it'll get better and I'll have fewer WTF moments. And I know that three years from now, when I'm ready to make the big leap to the Big Apple, I'll be ready for it, and I won't have those WTF moments. Or at least, not as many. I'm stuck in the present right now, and I need to move forward. I need to be in the future....see it and it will happen. And then all these WTF moments will seem so trivial, but not. It'll be worth it because they taught me to see bigger and dream bigger and be bigger. I'm more than this and I'll get there.

This is what happens....

When I forget to post already written blog entries....from 10/4.......

In true impulsive form, I will be back in the TC for less than 48 hours for one of the best beer events of the year. After having my Facebook and Twitter feeds jammed with Autumn Brew Review and Surlyfest updates, I said no more. I'm not missing another one. So sayeth the brewer.

See you drinkin'.

I'm back in the Big Easy now....if you didn't see me, your loss. You'll just have to make more of an effort when I'm back next time. 11/14 at Stub and Herbs, I think.

This might be....

....the absolute sweetest thing I've ever read.

I can't even stand it. I'm going out on a limb here....one I rarely go out on. I hate admitting it, but I'm truly a closeted romantic. I've been single for a loooooong time, too long. Sorry Big, you don't factor in here, and we both know why. I love you though. :)

I know what I want in life. I knew it when I was a bright eyed 19 year old applying for a front desk job at an extended stay hotel. I wanted to see the world and retire at our Aruba property. At the time I just said it, because I thought it sounded good. This lofty, ridiculously unattainable goal that I'd never achieve, but would get me this job, in this moment, because I needed one.

Until the moment I packed up my car and started the trek down here, I never actually believed I'd ever get out of Minnesota. That'd I'd settle and be married and be comfortable for comfort's sake. I want to live in New York. I want to live in Ireland. I want to see and experience everything this world has to offer in my lifetime. But I didn't ever think it would happen. I really didn't. But knowing now, that I'm able to pack up my life and just go, it truly feels like it could be a reality. It makes me believe. It's ignited a passion in me like I've never felt before.

It makes me sad. I makes me sad that I missed the birth of my newest nephew. It makes me sad that I missed the funeral of Uncle Bill, the one that always picked on me when I was a child. It makes me sad because it isolates me from the people I care about so deeply I can't stand the thought of being without them. It makes me sad because I'm alone. I know in my heart I'm not, I have so many friends and family members that would do anything for me (and I the same for them), but physically I'm alone.

Back to the closeted romantic.....I honestly think I'd die if someone wrote a column like that to me. I want the kind of relationship he speaks of. I want my best friend and partner there by my side. I want the fairy tale ending, even if it's a hair different than the "typical" fairy tale ending. And because of where I want my life to go, and the things I want to achieve, I have this undeniable feeling that I'm going to have to achieve all of it on my own. Without that one solid person in life that will always be there for me. It's because of my drive and my unwillingness to sacrifice those things I want. I've never been good at compromise, I mean sure, I will, but when it comes to my dreams, I can't see myself giving them up for anyone. Nor would I want anyone else to for me. Scratch that, of course I would, but if they did, I wouldn't respect them.

I close myself off from it because it's safer that way. If I think about it objectively, it doesn't matter. There's a line in a song, "I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all". Not me. I'd rather feel nothing at all. It's easier to not feel than it is to think about what I really want and not having it and hurting because the only person I have to blame for it is me.

It's quite the conundrum.....having the life that I crave and the passion to do it, but not being able to share it with that special someone. I know there's a balance, but I haven't found it yet, and the thought that I might not ever....well....makes me sad. It doesn't make me question the way I lead my life, because I'd rather live now. I'm not sure which is worse, regretting all the things I could have had, or all the things I didn't. I try to lead a life without regret - a good friend once said it best - don't regret anything in life, because at the time, it was exactly what you wanted. And to this point, I've gotten exactly what I've wanted at the time, and if it wasn't what I wanted, I learned from it and changed future decisions. I want that balance so badly, it just seems so far away....

So send me flowers or something. And thank you, Andrew Cohen, for letting me know that it's possible.

Reunion.....

It’s been a long, long time since I’ve been to a family reunion. So long, in fact, that I’m certain it was pre-driving days for me. The occasion was my grandmother’s 90^th birthday. When I took this job, and moved halfway across the country, the first question any of my family asked me was if I was coming back for the party. Um….OF COURSE!

So, after golf on Thursday, off we went! We arrived as everyone was sitting down to dinner. Some of my cousins were there (with their children!), and most of my aunts/uncles. The famous onion rings were on the table, along with loads of ranch dressing. Laughs were had, rum was drank, and a relatively early night was had by all. After a brief snafu with my hotel room (who knew there was more than one Worthington in this country?!), my head hit the pillow on the rollaway in my father’s room.

Friday brought more golf, more rum and more laughs. I shot a 113 on a course I’m not sure I’ve ever played, though I have driven the cart there more than I can count. Even destroyed a tee box when I was small. More of the family arrived, more rum was drank, a bar fight was narrowly avoided…good times in small towns.

Saturday I slept waaaaaaay in. Then the official party started. It was really great to see family I haven’t seen in forever, friends of family that remember me as a small child, children of people that used to throw me in the lake. It was lovely, though it does make me realize that I’m getting old. Sunday there was a quick brunch and I was on the way back to moms.

The two things I miss most about Minnesota are my family and my friends. It’s really, really tough to be away from the people that have been there through good and bad. The people that have seen me at my absolute worst and are there for me no matter what. Life is a roller coaster, and I’m so grateful to have such an amazing support structure around me; knowing that I can be who I am, without judgment. I appreciate it more than words can describe. Thank you for being there.

Whirlwind....

My first official trip home has come to an end. I’m feeling rather conflicted about the whole deal….I’m so happy I got to see my amazing friends and family, but I’m happy to be going home. It truly was a wonderful weekend. I appreciate my time to myself more than most, and unfortunately on this trip, I had little to none most of the time. Not that I’m complaining in the least, but it’ll be nice to get back into my groove until the next time I trek back to Minneapolis.

I’ll recap the family reunion portion in a separate entry – this will be Wednesday, Sunday and Monday.

I knew I didn’t want to do anything to extravagant on Wednesday night….travel makes me crabby to begin with, and doing it on little to no sleep makes it worse. My friend Rob was kind enough to give me a ride to the airport at 5:30 in the AM…mad props to you – thank you.

I landed around 3 and sister picked me up. A quick shopping trip was in order as I am quickly running out of tank tops in NOLA. If I’d stay out of truck pools with them, I probably wouldn’t go through them so quickly. I hate shopping anyway, and I really see no need to pay tax on clothing, so we swung through Heartbreaker and I stocked up. Found a super cute skirt and a dress for this Saturday’s Red Dress Run. After that, she dropped me off at the hotel.

Trent was able to hook me up with a ridiculous suite at the W, gratis. Mucho thanks to you, man. The room was AMAZING. It was actually a “Wow” suite, and good lord was I wowed. I’m pretty sure it was bigger than my old apartment. I’m pretty sure it was bigger than my current apartment, actually. Anyhow, it was awesome. Ran a couple errands, showered and met up with Nicole for champagne. Well, prosecco, but whatever…

Catherine and Stephen picked us up for dinner, which was scheduled at Corner Table. It’s one of my absolute favorite restaurants in the city, though I’ve only eaten there twice. A friend of a friend joined us with his girlfriend and we ate and drank until our faces fell off. Amazing food and wonderful wine. Great company….all the things in life that make me unbelievably happy.

Thursday morning my sister’s fiancé picked me up and we went golfing with my dad and some of his friends. I haven’t played since I left MN, so I wasn’t sure how I’d do. I borrowed a set of clubs and somehow hit them straighter than I ever have in my life. If I could quit three-putting, I’d probably score pretty well! After golf, we headed down to Worthington for the major festivities.

Sunday I was dropped off at my mothers – it was her birthday and I was taking them out to dinner. We went to a new restaurant called Apertif and I wasn’t crazy about it. The food was ok, our server was ultra cheery, but it was missing something. It’s like it was trying to be Redstone without being Redstone. It was nothing special, and I likely wouldn’t return when I come back to town. Monday we got up and headed downtown. I stayed at my old hotel, and my cousin was coming down to cut and dye our hair. We had a nice lunch (the black bean burger at Northern Shores Grille is really good – though next time I’d get it with cheese), ran a couple errands and got our hairs did. Good solid family bonding time.

Monday night was happy hour with my friends…the only real opportunity to spend time with them over the weekend. It was a later night than I’m used to, and the debauchery will stay in the minds of those present. Suffice to say it was a great time, and a spectacular sendoff for me. My flight was oversold this morning, and I’m surprised I had the presence of mind to pull it together to give up my seat. I arrive two hours earlier and am 300 Southwest Airlines dollars richer. My suitcase will sadly not arrive with me, so I’ll have to trek back to the airport later, but I’ve got another flight up my sleeve…wherever will I go next?!

Funny, the way it is....

Life is the most interesting, mysterious, enjoyable experience ever. Things change so quickly, in a fraction of the blink of an eye. Realizations that although some things are not as they seem, they more frequently are. It's truly a small world, and part of the reason for my change of locale was to escape it. And then I realized I can't. I'm exactly the same person, doing the exact same things. It's taken me less than three weeks to realize this. And the best part about it?

I love it.

I love that I have the guts to go for what I want. To take the worst possible situation and make the best of it. To see, to truly see, the good in everyone, even (and sometimes especially) the people you think are complete a-hole douchebags. I love that I'm doing exactly the job that I love, in a place that I love. I had lost the passion for doing this job before, and I needed to be away from it for a while. To experience more. I'm so much better equipped to deal with all the aspects of this job, and I've regained my passion for it.

I could sit here and be upset about my vacation being put on ice for a year, but I'm not. I know that the postponed concert will happen, and it will likely be 1,000X better because of the delay. After my trip to Target in the suburbs, I could be sad that I have to replace most of my worldly belongings, but I'm not. I know that I get new cool silverware and a shower curtain that I've wanted for a while. I miss my couch, and it would have been the perfect style. But it would have been too big.

So many opportunities present themselves in life, and if we don't jump at the opportunity, it just....passes us by. I see the status updates and the Twitter feeds of all the things I'm missing out on in Minneapolis, and then I realize there's a festival here literally every weekend. Greek Fest, Creole Tomato Fest, whatever, opportunities that I would miss in Minneapolis if I WERE there. And I wouldn't even know it, because I'd still be stuck in the same rut. I don't mean that to sound like it probably does. I mean that I'd be doing the same things, with the same people, in the same places. And here, I may be doing the same things, but it's different. And somehow, seems better.

I'll close by saying this: I TRULY hope that my friends and family, who I love with all my heart, come to visit me. So they can experience this city. It's really amazing. I hope that whoever reading this has a dream, and passion. And when they have the opportunity, they take it. They break out of their shell. They jump so far out of their comfort zone, they can't even see it.

Because if I can, ANYONE can. And you should. Ask yourself what it is you want out of life. And then go for it. Don't let anyone tell you can't, or that you shouldn't. Or anything. Just do it. You won't regret it, I promise. Not for one single second.

A friend of mine said something to me that was quite poignant - don't regret anything you've done, because at the time you did it, it was EXACTLY what you wanted. No regrets, no looking back. Only going forward.

One last thing: if you live in MN, please, PLEASE, quit complaining about the humidity and road construction. I'm tired of those being the only two things I see on Facebook and Twitter. Spend some time here in August and you'll never complain about either again. Besides, isn't that what you suffer all winter for? Humidity and road construction?

Wa wa wee wa!

Hey hey!! For the first time in my entire life, I've moved away from home. I don't count the year I spent at Mankato State as being away from home (mainly because I was home every stinkin weekend), so this is quite the jump. I had a dream of moving to the Big Apple and instead I'm in the Big Easy. I will still get to Manhattan, but for now, I'm good here. I'll share the chronicles of the drive down, and everything leading up to it in future posts, but I'll give my first impressions of the city that's below sea level today. Once my computer arrives in a couple of weeks, I'll have more of an opportunity to be a regular poster and contributer.

My first night here was Wednesday. I checked into my new hotel and had dinner in the bar. After talking to Sam for a while, I decided to check out this thing called Bourbon Street. You may have heard of it. I certainly had, and it was everything I expected and more. I only walked a few blocks down, past a bunch of gentlemen's clubs, and found a bar with a live band and 3-for-1's! Seriously? Granted my Red Bull/Vodka was $16, but still....it was huge! And I'm not normally a size queen. The band was pretty good too. I made friends with an older couple (George and Susie, you're absolutely adorable!!), and a few guys that were in town doing some contracting work of some sort. We found an Irish pub (I'm a complete sucker for a good Irish pub) and played pool and then I headed back home.

Thursday I slept in, ordered room service, and met my new co-workers. They seemed really nice and I think I'm going to fit in just wonderfully. A friend of a friend picked me up and toured me around the city a bit. I really like the Uptown area. This weekend I'll do more driving around as I don't generally like sleeping while I work (or having the pen dipped in the company ink). Just makes me too accessible.

Friday I had some loose ends to tie up in Minneapolis so I went back for the weekend. Yesterday marked the first day on the job - touring around the building, meeting some of my new colleagues, an all afternoon meeting and a quick reception. I'd been hearing nothing but wonderful things about the Cuban sandwich at Cajun Mikes, and since I was unable to get one on Sunday (stupid wonderful crawfish boil!), I went back Monday. And it was wonderful. So were the people I was sitting next to. So wonderful, in fact, that I ended up staying way past my bedtime (completely missing my date with Jack Bauer), and laughed and laughed and laughed. Also, I will be back on Wednesday to try said Cuban sandwich with bacon. Bacon makes everything better, I say.

All in all, the first few days have been wonderful, and I'm excited to discover all this city has to offer in the coming years. That's right, I plan on being here at least three years. C'mon, I want to be at a Super Bowl dammit!! And hopefully the Vikings will be in it. There are a lot of things I will adopt about this city - po' boys, crawfish, jambalya, gumbo, Mardi Gras, Jazzfest, all the other Fests - but the Saints are NOT one of them. This girl is a Viking fan for life. Please don't beat me up because of it.

Lastly, I don't care what anyone says, Minnesota Nice is a farce. I was born and raised there, and it's a load of crap. It's more like Minnesota Passive-Agressive. Southern Hospitality is where it's at. Thanks for being so welcoming so far. I truly cannot wait to fall in love with this city and the people here.