Reflecting.....

Here I sit, three weeks before I fly home to celebrate(??) my entrance to my 30's. I've been thinking a lot, about where my life has taken me, about my current situation, and about what the future might hold for me. I should be excited about all the opportunities life has sent my way, and I should be thrilled to celebrate all these things with my family and closest friends. And instead? I'm just kind of indifferent. Maybe that's too harsh of a word. Ambivalent? I don't know. I'm at a point that I just don't know.

I think about my sister, getting married to her best friend. I think about my brother, with his two beautiful children and gorgeous fiancée. I think about my other brother, doing exactly what he's wanted to do his entire life, and with his beautiful girlfriend. And then I think about me. Married to my job. Single. Childless. Me. Sitting here, in a city with no family, no one that I trust implicitly, and at a job that I adore, working for someone I pretend doesn't exist. Seems empty, just like it always has.

Before you feel bad for me, don't. I'm going to Mexico in a month and a half, an opportunity only afforded to me because I don't have all these...attachments....I pay rent, but my landlord doesn't mind if my rent is a day or three late. I don't have kids I have to arrange for. I have a job that allows me to take the time off when I want to, because they know I NEED to. I've been afforded a ton of AMAZING opportunities in life that I wouldn't trade in for anything. But the thought of turning thirty and not being exactly where I want to be, not completely, well, it makes me think.

My 5 year plan five years ago, was to be turning 30 and living in the Big Apple. Instead of the Big Apple, I'm living in the Big Easy. I didn't have grand plans to be a department head or director at the age of 30, but I wanted to be making more money than I am now. I have an opportunity to accomplish that, but I'm not sure exactly how I feel about it. More to come on that in the coming weeks. I didn't plan to be married, or settled down, or anything domestic, but I didn't plan to be single. I know that for that to happen, I have to adjust the way that I live my life, and I'm just not quite ready to do that. If I was, I'd be a department head at work. I absolutely adore my life the way it is - I do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and I can't fathom life without that freedom.

I certainly didn't plan to be living where I am, but I'm doing what I can to make the most of it. I enjoy my kickball teams, and the people that play/watch/drink with us. I've found some really great restaurants and some killer bars, though I'm still trying to find egg rolls as good as Que Viet, and Thai food as good as Tum Rup. There's a pretty amazing music scene here and my friends come to visit me in droves. I like it here. The humidity can suck it, but overall I'm content with the decision to move here.

Given the amount of fun that I'm having, and the things that I'm learning about myself both personally and professionally, and what I want to accomplish here, it's baffling me the thoughts that I'm having of moving back home. I know how much I hate winter, but do I hate winter as much as I love and miss my family slash friends? There's a job open that would challenge me on several levels, but there are many reasons I wouldn't want it. Maybe in another 5 years, when they figure out what to do about winter, I'll move home.

So, for now, I will continue to balance the social with the professional, and try to not dwell on the feeling of emptiness that I have, because I know that I'm the only person that can change it, and for right now, I'm not willing to do that. When I am, I'll know. I think. Or maybe I won't, and it'll just hit me in the face and I'll just have to accept it. I've lived a life of no regrets and I'm not about to start now. And who knows? Maybe this will become my home. A place I never expected, never planned for....just was. Wouldn't that be something?

Month Complete.

Hard to believe today is Feb 1st kids. It's true what they say: the older you get, the faster time goes. It's super hard to believe that I'm going to be 30 in just over three months. Time's going to fly. It looks like I'm going to book my ticket home this week (or maybe I'll wait a couple until I get my bonus).

This weekend was a blur. Friday night was the going away party for my counterpart at work. Holy shinkes was it a good time. I was tasked with coming up with a speech to 'roast' him with, and it turned into a top ten list that ended up being pretty good. Turns out I am funny when I'm sober. Whodathunkit?

Saturday started out as a train wreck, and finished up much the same way. I was supposed to take a friend to the airport early in the AM, and as it turns out, going to a going away party the night before is not conducive to getting people to the airport at 6. I hope someday she forgives me.

Then we had our kickball game. It was a makeup from the previous Monday. Leaving the Frat House while it's still daylight...it's an interesting phenomenon. We all kind of had our Varsity Blues moment, but it was still the same day. After the kickball festivities wound down, we headed off to the sinkhole. The story of sinkhole will need it's own post....it's a good one. After a few hours of sinkhole, we walked to Juan's Flying Burrito. Dee. Lis. Cious. Then onto Parlays for a kickball party...and Sunday was a day of recovery.

It's been a good start to the month, kids. Let's hope it continues.

End of the month...

Wow. I need to dedicate more time to this. Just figured out my NY resolution. Once a week, whether it needs it or not, this blog is getting updated. Unlike my 12 resolutions of 2010 (all of which I failed at, I think), I'm going to stick with one and do it. Pick one thing, and it gets done, excellently. 2-3 things and maybe 2 get done, marginally. Any more than that, and it's setting yourself up to fail. And I hate that. Failing. Almost as much as being helpless.

So, let's start the new year off. Almost a month late, but whatever. My first thoughts on new years day this year included, "how did I get home?", "how did I get to wherever I am (which clearly is not home)?", and "where are my pants?". To answer them, I didn't get home until later in the day, for I was dogsitting my dear friends dear friend. I believe a couple of saints delivered me to the couch, though I don't really have any recollection of the ride home. Other than talking a lot. I think. Pants were safely recovered....for some reason, I thought under my pillow was a good place for them. And to answer the question I know you're all asking, I woke up alone, save for my friends pup.

It was a good new years, as good as one can be. There was flip cup and friends and Patron Cafe and gummi bears and keg stands and hats (not just party hats, fedoras!), and champagne and dancing and most importantly of all, no frakking snow! The only way it could have been better would have been to have my friends from MN here. After getting through Christmas sans friends and family (but with a cute Brit), I was a bit blue about starting the new year off with people I've known less than half a year. I'm keeping a positive attitude about this move, but there are some days when I sit back and think, "I wish I could click my heels three times, and be back in the 612.". Maybe my friends and family will wise up and move south.

The Monday following, kickball started again, and all seemed to be right with the world. I joined another drinking team with a kickball problem, full of cute boys and fun girls, not the catty kind that I want to punch. We all get along pretty well, but aren't that great at kickball. Flipcup, however, we are undefeated. I feel as though I may have unintentionally created some drama, not because I wanted to, but because I made a decision last year without really thinking or understanding the situation. Obviously alcohol was involved, and I likely would have made the same decision, but only because I wasn't aware of the other entity present. I rarely make decisions to consciously hurt someone, and while that decision wasn't the one that could have hurt, it was the decision to make it known. I probably could have kept my mouth shut, but anyone that knows me knows that's rarely an option either...hence my kickball nickname, "Record Skip".

We've played three games, two losses and one tie. This week got rained out again so makeup games are on Saturday. Unfortunately half of our team won't be there, so hopefully we'll be competitive. I also signed up to edit our newsletter. It's a lot of work, but there was free tequila involved. Plus, it's nice to be a part of something new. And also, I'm super nerdy, so this is right up my alley.

My counterpart at work is leaving at the end of this week, off to brighter pastures across the city. He'll be doing the same thing at a bigger hotel and while I'm extremely happy for him, I'm sad. I'm really going to miss him, though I'd never admit it to his face. We're like siblings and I'm going to miss the camaraderie and the venting and him making me cry at the bar all the time. He makes me think and asks the tough questions and while I don't always agree with his process or opinion, I love and respect him. And I really, truly hope he's happy in his new role.

Along with him leaving, comes twice as much for me until we get a replacement. We are also down an admin assistant so I've been super crazy at work the last couple of weeks. I had a big group in this week and an even bigger one next week, and I know I'm not at the top of my game. I can only be in so many places. I'm not responding to e-mails as quickly, and I think I'm missing the spark in my eye. That twinkle that is there when I'm really happy with something. I should be happy with my work, my clients sure are. For last year, my overall customer satisfaction was over 90%. I'm striving for perfection this year, and knowing my responsiveness is slower than normal is really hitting me hard. Harder than it should. Because I want so desperately to be 100%. Because if I am, I'll feel validated. That this move was the right thing to do. That this job is my passion. That I can overcome. And I'm worried that it's starting out all wrong.

I'll leave with a thought, one that I discovered this morning on something so insignificant as a luggage tag. "We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment." -Hilare Belloc It's true. It hit me like a sock full of oranges. I'm at my happiest when I'm traveling. The only trip I took last year that wasn't home was to Arizona for 48 hours. I'm sad that I'm not going to Mexico next month with the greatest people I know, save for my parents. I'm sad that the only trips I have planned for this year are back home. I'm scared that I won't make it to Europe or the Caribbean or somewhere else fabulous. It makes me want to cry that I didn't go to New York last year. Because all of those places fulfill a simple need in me to be completely anonymous. To be able to walk around all day and night and not know a soul until we're sitting across the bar, or exhibit hall of a museum and one of us catches the others eye and says "Hello.".

It may not be this year, but next year, I will definitely have those moments again. Because I'm tired of wandering.

Superfastrecap

SofastImaynotevenuseproperpunctuationorspacing.

Who am I kidding?! You and I both know that would drive me insane.

So. Um. After the Vikings game...where do I begin? St. Practice Day? My new fourth favorite day of the year (it's 6 months from St. Patrick's day if you didn't figure it out). Also, if this particular St. Practice Day was any indication, I most definitely need the practice. Then there was the St. Practice recovery day. Then there was Vikings football and a most pleasant surprise.

Then, one of my oldest, most awesome friends, Jen came to town. And I didn't get a lot of sleep for a few days. There was a random kickball game that we played in. There was the eating of good food (ok, so that's a given). Then a breather night. And yet another night in the Quarter (somehow I managed to stay off Bourbon Street). A scavenger hunt birthday party. An introduction. A continuation. More football. The start of a new kickball team. And Krav.

I'm exhausted just typing that. Future outlook? Lots of work, more kickball, more Krav, a visit from the rents, a training class and mini-vacation....and....well....hopefully. :)

Success!!

I have successfully completed my first big, complex group! Not ever, but first since I jumped back into the event planning arena. I didn't realize it until this week, how much I missed being in front of guests and making them smile. It's true in every aspect of my life - all I want to do is make people happy. I'm good at itand I enjoy it immensely. There is no greater satisfaction to me in life, than to know that I had a hand in making someone's day.

This group was awesome. It's a foundation run by a Major League All Star. It's a foundation that provides scholarships to exceptional students. To qualify, they have to be a high school student with a 3.5 GPA or better and do some type of extra-curricular activity, be it a sport or a club. They also must do a certain amount of community service. The group is based out of two cities, and this is the first time they've traveled out of their respective communities to do service projects. They picked New Orleans because of all that's happened here - built a baseball field, created a playground, made furniture and trash can holders for the Boys and Girls clubs, etc. All in all, a spectacular group of kids.

The planners are amazing as well. I truly hope they come back to NOLA - for fun or with this group again. I now have even more people to visit when I go to my favorite city on the planet. It's amazing to me to see the smile in my client's face when I say "Yes, we can do that" to even the most impossible task. There's truly nothing like it. I can't take all the credit though. Despite some initial skepticism, the team that I work with and for is incredible. Without each and every one of them, I wouldn't be able to confidently say, "Yes, we can do that" to those impossible tasks. I don't and will never take each of these people for granted. I work for an amazing company that only employs the finest. I'm grateful for that beyond words.

I may have my moments of "what was I thinking?!", but I really do love what I do, and where I'm doing it. I don't plan to be here forever, but I am going to enjoy every moment of it, even the crappy ones. That which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, right?

Saturday Boringday?

The life of a single girl isn’t always as glamorous as it seems. Saturday was one of those days. A trip to Target, a venture to the suburbs to meet a friend for a beer, moping (and by moping, I mean eating Baked Doritos, drinking Diet Coke and writing blog posts) about on my porch due to the lack of a social life here – ah, the mundane boring things that married people do!

But then, sometimes the life of a single girl IS as glamorous as it seems!!

A call out to my assistant, pleading for girly time lifted my mood immediately. She had mentioned earlier in the day that she had made a verbal commitment for the evening (which depressed me immediately because I was being a negative nancy). Turns out, the verbal commitment was with a couple co-workers at a super cute restaurant with a fabulous patio.

She had told me a week or so prior about the exclusive “Veuve” parties thrown by one of our co-workers. I didn’t know him that well, but when someone says Veuve, I say how high? I agreed immediately and inquired about the dress code. Fancy schmancy, of course. And what better dress to wear than my new dress straight out of Sex and the City 2?! I of course wanted to wear my new shoes, but the pedicure I treated myself to the day prior dictated open toed shoes. Not wanting to change my yellow purse out for the black one, I settled on these, in blue snakeskin. Yum.

We met at my place and cabbed it here, an ULTRA cute restaurant in the Marigny that used to house servants on an old plantation. The history in this city is amazing. We sat in the little courtyard, sipping champagne, the sounds of water fountains dancing in our ears. While I wasn’t particularly hungry, the crab cake was toying with me, until I saw the macadamia nut cheesecake on the menu. Dessert for dinner? Sold.

After a while, we packed up and into the “bus”, and headed off to the house party. I assumed this would be a most extravagant event, with tons of fabulous people, and amazing appetizers. I was a bit disappointed it was just the four of us, only because the utter hotness I was radiating was completely and utterly wasted with three girls, one husband and the first member of my NOLA gaytourage. Once I got past that though, it was super fun. The house was pure southern charm – his partner is an artist and basically painted the whole house. It was stunning!

We made it through three bottles of Veuve before we cracked the absinthe….in fairness, I only had a sip, but it was much better than I remember it. Maybe it was in the presentation (traditionally with a spoon and flaming sugar vs. out of a bottle in Ireland), maybe it was the company (fabulous colleagues), but it was delightful – the anise danced all over my tongue and down my throat, warming everything as it made its way to its resting spot.

It was one of the best evenings I’ve had since I’ve been here – so thanks to all involved. I really appreciate and can’t wait for the next time.

Good Deed of the Week

My first day on the job, our HR director let us know that she needed volunteers for a Habitat for Humanity build. As I'm new around here, and didn't see anything pressing on my agenda, I said I'd be happy to. From what I've heard about it, painting was going to be about as "manual labor" as I would have to get.

My assistant picked me up, and I navigated. Apparently it was in a part of town she'd never been (AKA: not the best part). We arrived on time, she introduced me to some people, we got our shirts and then we gathered. The area General Managers spoke and then we were given our tasks. Mine was not painting. Ugh. You mean I was going to have to pick up a shovel?!?

And so it was. We had to shovel out 6" deep for an 8' wide driveway, all the way to the sidewalk. Thankfully there was a sidewalk already there, so we didn't have to dig that too. We had to cut boards for stakes to mark where we were shoveling. We had to make the ground higher near the house and slope it down towards the sidewalk. Something about rain and drainage around here?? I have never seen my hands in worse shape than they were over the weekend. They still haven't completely healed.

Overall it was a great experience. I met a lot of people that work for various hotels and expanded my network just a little bit. I did something good for someone less fortunate than me for no reason at all. However, I will limit my volunteering in the future to the events where I get to see the appreciation on the recipients face. I know that volunteering is supposed to be done completely selflessly and all that, but the truth of the matter is that I get out of it just as much as the recipient does. But I want to see them appreciate it. It may sound selfish, but it's that gratefulness and appreciation that drives me and makes me want to do more. Do it more often, do it for longer, recruit others to the cause, whatever that cause may be. I don't donate money to non-profits, but will round up the best silent auction donation items you'll ever see (and likely even bid on them!). I'm happy to put a contact from a worthy cause in touch with a decision maker. This H4H build though....first and last. I'll be supportive and whatever, but I'd love to see what that house (or any other H4H builds) looks like a year or two or ten after we've put our time and sweat equity into it.

I know that last sentence sounds extremely cynical, and not in the same vein as the rest of the post. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the majority of recipients of H4H homes appreciate them and take care of them until they get back on their feet. As such, I'll stick to the group I love working with the most: Special Olympics. I'd give up any day/night of my life to help this organization.

Week. Over.

It's been a ride, that's for sure. I received my first groups, my first pop-up groups, my first frustrations, my first offer of a date (declined), my first concert tickets purchased, and first day of sweating out a hangover (literally).

I'll write more over the weekend, but I want to say that yesterday was somewhat of an epiphany for me. I've received a few e-mails and calls from friends expressing sadness that I'm not making the trip back in June, and that my trip in August is pretty much booked. I want all of you to know that whatever you're feeling, I'm feeling it 100 times worse. Those that know me well, know that the absolute last thing in life I want to do is let someone down. And I know I do it a lot. And every time it happens, it tears me up inside. I over commit myself and then everyone suffers.

I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I want to be there in June. And I want to be available in August. My entire life of friends and family are going to be crammed into two nights there, and it sucks. It really, really sucks. I know I'm going to forget something, or someone, and I hate it.

Sorry to be so morose today....it was a bit of a rough couple of days, and this morning didn't help the situation. I promise I'll be more upbeat in future posts. I miss and love all of you.

~Moe