I do a lot of it. I question everything I say or do or imagine. I over-think just about everything, from a passing glance to the shoes on my feet. I stress out over little things, but when the sky falls, there’s a peace about me.
The latest thing I’ve been on the fence about is…well…I’m going to try to not be specific. I had a major heart to heart with about the only person I trust in this city. I mean, there are people that I trust, and there are people that I TRUST. He’s not quite to the latter, but close. As close as I have within 1000 miles anyway.
I’ve been pondering a conversation, one that hasn’t taken place. One that I may not want to take place. I’m afraid of the result, but if I don’t ask, I’ll never know. This is me, over-thinking. Which would be worse, a result I don’t want, or not knowing if I could have it all. And when I think about that, would it even be having it all? Or would it be a fleeting moment or moments?
There’s this thing in life, distance. Be it physical or emotional or whatever. It’s a bitch. The issue currently isn’t distance, but it will be in the future. It will either get better or it will get worse. So, do I ask the question and risk getting an answer I don’t want? Or do I just enjoy the present and hope that the rest will work out? I know, I know…hope in one hand and shit in the other. If it’s just the physical, that’s easy, no? Well, maybe not easy, but temporary and workable.
I guess what I’m trying to say, is it better to not know and just enjoy what’s in front of you, or is it better to not get what you want (even if you don’t know exactly what that is)? It’s a 50/50 shot I guess….no risk no reward? Or appreciate what you’ve got while you’ve got it?
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