Worst. Date. Ever.

This story always entertains me. Several years ago, I loaded a profile onto Match.com. Overall the experience wasn't terrible, but nothing ever materialized for me. Most of the guys I met I went out on a couple of dates with, and all they ever seemed to want was sex. Which is fine, maybe throw that on your profile or something. (I have serious issues with people not saying what it is they want. It would make life so much easier if they'd just put it out there.)

Well, this guy. This guy. He was....something. Met through Match and e-mailed for a couple of weeks before deciding to meet at Azia for drinks. We sat and had a couple drinks, couple apps and a great conversation. He was somewhat shy, as am I, so the pace of the conversation was a bit slow to begin with. He suggested we head over to Pancho Villa across the street. We had a couple of margaritas and some guac (I'm a guacaholic). As the evening came to a close, he asked if I'd like to go out again. He seemed really average to me, but I agreed to another date, if only because I believe in trying almost everything twice. We shared a sweet kiss and parted ways.

We made plans for the next week; I agreed to meet him at his house and we'd go from there - dinner and perhaps a movie either in a theater or at his place. Now, keep in mind I rarely give up on anything, here begins the end. I arrived at 5, the agreed upon time. I rang the doorbell. Nothing. Again. Nothing. And once for good measure. I called, no answer. At this point, I'm annoyed, but will give him another 5 minutes. Literally as the clock ticked to 5:15, he called. He got home from work and fell asleep on the couch. Keep track kids, this was red flag #1.

He eventually comes out, apologizes profusely and we head to some Chinese joint who's name I can't recall. I had soup and we had a couple apps. The tab comes and he throws in enough money for his half. Wait, did you not ask ME out? I'm all about paying for myself, if it's agreed upon beforehand, or if I'm really not having a good time. But YOU. You asked me out. And were late. Red flag #2.

I'm definitely a three strikes girl. I'm also a graceful exit girl. So when we get back to his apartment for a movie (I had left my car there anyway), I find out he has a dog. Not a big deal (I'm allergic but can deal), but he obviously had not trained his dog. He cleaned it up and I thought he was just going to flush it. He did. But then he went to the restroom. WITH THE DOOR OPEN. ON THE SECOND DATE. Red flags #3 and #4 within a minute of each other.

Now my brain totally goes into exit strategy mode. Little did I know it was going to get worse. He put in a movie, and maybe 10 minutes in, he gets up to go to the bathroom again. AND AGAIN FAILS TO CLOSE THE DOOR. If he had closed the door, I likely would have put my coat on while he was in there and left when he came out. Door being open though, not an option.

As soon as he sits down on the couch he tried to kiss me. I got up quickly and headed for the bathroom. I needed something. Anything. Any reason to leave. I'm a TERRIBLE liar...so I was going to use the early meeting excuse. I was ready to rock. I washed my hands, pulled it together and opened the door.

HE WAS NAKED ON THE COUCH

Completely, butt ass naked. After throwing up a little in my mouth, I let him know I had an early meeting and would be heading out. Told him not to get up, I could let myself out.

I then went to my local bar, and told the story of my worst date ever to anyone that would listen. I got several free drinks and quite a few phone numbers out of the deal, so it wasn't a complete bust. A few days later I received an e-mail from him asking when I'd like to go out again. I politely said that I didn't think we were going to be a good match, and that I was about to get very busy with work.

I thought that would be the end of it, but apparently this town is ridiculously small. The first time I saw him after that was at a beer event in Uptown. I see him about every six months, and always chuckle about it to myself and anyone else around. The worst date ever. With Creepy Naked Guy.