Just try......

To break into my house again. Let me start this entry by declaring my undying love for all things JLo. Except maybe perfume, if she has one. She doesn’t really excel at anything, but is really good at a lot of things. She’s not a great actress, but she picks roles that suit her and they make a ton of money. She’s not an excellent singer, but she knows how to choose booty shaking songs.

In any event, the whole point of this entry is a bit of a follow up to the break in post. I’ve heard everything from it’s an isolated event to buy a shotgun, but I’m landing somewhere in the middle. As such, I refer to my personal hero, and the movie Enough for inspiration. It’s a horrible movie, really really bad. Some good eye candy, but other than that, there isn’t anything redeeming qualities about the movie and I’m willing to admit that. The payoff comes at the end. If you can sit through 90 minutes of “mailing it in” acting, the climax scene is an adrenaline boosting few minutes of heaven. If kicking the shit out of your abusive ex husband is your idea of heaven, that is.

By the end of the film, JLo’s character has had enough. He’s never going to leave her alone until he kills her, so she takes matters into her own hands. She meets with a lawyer and he suggests to her the art of Krav Maga. It’s a fighting technique taught to the Israeli army, with one simple idea: the use of force is met with excessive force. To the point of death. It’s really brilliant in the sense that anyone can learn it and use it effectively. ANYONE. Even the giant pansy laying here typing this out.

It’s taught to people of any age, male or female and can be used in any situation because it’s based on stress. They work you out for 45 minutes AND THEN they teach you the techniques to get out of holds. They do this so you’re tired, beaten, out of breath and ready to leave class. And they teach it in a way that’s easy to recall if for some reason you ever have cause to use it. Movement, force, focus. That’s pretty much it.

So, basically, a year from now I’ll be able to kill you. For now, I can break out of a headlock at kick you in the head.

My New Toy!!

No, it's not the kind you think, you dirty bird. I’m typing away on my brand spanking new laptop. I heart Apple. I’m an Apple whore. First they announce the iPhone 4, and then this comes. As soon as they release the second generation iPad, you can bet your sweet ass I’ll be buying that too. I’ve become a serious technology geek since I bought the iPhone 3G. I can hardly wait the mere two weeks till the new one comes out.

Another weekend in the Big Easy is under my belt. Friday was not supposed to be anything special, just a quick happy hour with a couple colleagues. We left at our apprised time, and went on our way. My car was still at the hotel and when I walked by, a couple of our chefs were outside. I started talking to the one I knew, and then my phone rang. I was going to ignore, as I assumed it was the next friend I was meeting up with, but I didn’t. It was my assistant. Her car had disappeared. After a few minutes of trying to figure out what happened, I took her to the impound lot.

Which was closed.

So, we drove back downtown to some office building where we were told that someone would be back in 20 minutes and she’d have to fill out some paperwork, pay a fine and then they’d give her a ride to her car. 45 minutes and $165 later, she had her car back. Is that cheaper than Minneapolis? I don’t remember what mine cost to get out of hock the two times it happened. Anyhow, we went back to my local bar, Finn McCool’s where we met up with a mutual friend.

I swear I try so hard to keep my life drama free. Apparently the universe has some issue with me. I LOVE attention don’t get me wrong. But I like to be the one to draw it to myself. I don’t like it when I want to be left alone. Which was all I wanted to do. Have a couple drinks with some friends and have a low-key night.

Now, on my first trip to this bar, my assistant claims that she was roofied and that it was meant for me. I have no doubt that she was roofied, and I believe her when she says it was likely meant for me. She’s married, and quite obvious about it. Typically I wouldn’t go back to a bar where I got roofied, but this one is right down the street, it’s Irish, and I’ll try almost anything twice. So back we went.

And I witnessed my first bar fight in NOLA. What is it with guys!? Grr. That’s it, I’m going home.

Saturday I woke up super early and found a local breakfast spot. If my stupid camera on the phone worked, I would have taken photos of the best pancakes I’ve ever had. Hell’s Kitchen lemon ricotta deliciousness on a plate can’t hold a candle to the magnificence that was the bread pudding pancakes. With a whiskey cream sauce. And bacon. Mmmmm. Salty magnificent bacon. Makes everything better.

I digress. After breakfast I lounged for a bit, napped, lounged, napped. Watched a car accident unfold (see?!? I'm a magnet!). Lazy, hot, perfect. My assistant came over at some point. Found a cute little Mexican joint, another Irish pub, called it a night.

Sunday was kickball day. Haddad picked me up and we hit up the fields. Sadly I missed the start of this league by a couple weeks, but I’m a shoe-in for fall league. There was a bar on the field. ON THE FIELD. If this doesn’t have my name written all over it, I don’t know what does. Until the games actually started. I’m all about trash talking, but when you’re talking about a kid’s playground game, there’s really no need to get all Yelly McYellerson. It’s a freaking game for crying out loud.

When I witnessed the second bar fight in three days, I contemplated just watching fall league. Seriously….what is it with boys and booze and competition?! Ugh. Anyway, went out for a while afterwards and was home in bed my 9. Now that’s a Sunday Funday I can get on board with.

Week Recap

It's been a week of ups and downs, that's for sure. Friday was somewhat a blur. Went to the local hotel bar with some colleagues, met a new friend and an old one showed up. Couldn't figure out anything to do so we sat. And drank. And laughed. And drank more. And laughed even more. Seems like a recurring theme with me. In any event, we had a great time, and I was out shortly after arriving back at the hotel around 10.

Saturday....I had to finally cowboy up and hit Tar-zhay. In the suburbs. Yikes. Now, I'm one of like three people on the planet that can go into Target to buy shampoo and walk out with said shampoo, and shampoo only. I don't walk in and walk out $300 later. However, this time, I had a list. In the future I shall rethink what I sell when I move. I could have saved probably $150 on stupid shit. I need everything. Literally everything. So I did what any sensible person would do. I made a list. I'm talking everything from curtains to a toilet paper holder (which I, of COURSE, forgot). When I saw how full my cart was, I put the over/under at $500. Final tally? $493 and change. I could have had a new pair of shoes for that! Stupid necessities.

After assembling my clothing racks, and putting my shower back together, I headed even further into suburbia to meet up with my friend Cory (see previous post for his heroics). His buddy was having a crawfish boil, which of course I was down for. I unintentionally took the scenic route, so I was a bit late, and unfortunately by this point, it had started raining. There goes the boil. His buddy Shawn brought over probably 10 pounds of the stuff, sausage, corn, potatoes, the whole 9. Then I discovered the video game obsession. We couldn't find Arch Rivals, nor CastleVania, but we did find Contra. AND he remembered the code! Awesome times 1000. Played until we beat the game, and then headed to the drive thru daquiri bar (YES, they have them here!!!), and to another friends for the UFC fight. Dude had a sweet golf cart....which I tried to trade my car for...different story....different post. After the fight (and a mini-nap), they brought me to their local bar. And for some reason they let me be the DJ....yeah. 'Nuff said.

Woke up on the couch at some point, had coffee and then headed back to the city. I was having a porch party that afternoon and wanted to be ready. Super fast stop at the hotel for a shower, hopped in a cab and headed home. Thankfully I remembered my keys were in my hotel room BEFORE I got home (yet another story for yet another post), so the cabbie was gracious enough to turn back. Not gracious enough to hit pause on the meter, but gracious nonetheless. The details of the rest of this day are in the previous post, so I won't rehash them here. Suffice to say it was mostly a great afternoon and evening.

The rest of this week has been pretty mundane. I've been rocking out at work (Chemical Brothers currently), hanging out at the local bar, convincing numerous suitors that I'm perfectly happy single, trying to get in the mindset of quitting smoking (must quit by my next b-day), eating copious amounts of gyros, and becoming better at biting my tongue. Next we shall work on our patience level (currently non-existent). I will rant about why that is such a challenge for me at a later point in time. I did discover a bar called....drum roll.....Bulldog!! And they have a fabulous beer selection! Drank a bunch of Rogue's beers last night with the work crew. It's super close to home, not walking distance, but definitely less than a $10 cab ride (some mistakes I actually DO learn from!).

Not much planned for this weekend though. Grabbing dinner with a friend tonight, searching out a laundromat and giving my apartment a good scrub down tomorrow, and I guess being dragged to SATC2 Sunday. Not that I don't love, love, love Sex and the City, I just haven't heard a single good thing about this film. And I don't really want to PAY to see it. But, it's a chance to meet some girls, and hopefully start to recreate my girls back home. I know they aren't replicatable (is that a word?), but I need some girly time sometimes!

Next week should rock pretty hard. My computer should arrive Monday, Imogen Heap at the House of Blues Monday night, which means I need to re-schedule my first Krav Maga class for Tuesday, MONO Wednesday in Baton Rouge and on top of it all, because I should have my computer, I'll FINALLY be able to start learning French! The easiest way to ease the homesickness is to stay busy, focused on other things. Yes, I just admitted I'm homesick. I miss the shit out of all of you back in MN. It's only been a month, and I know it'll get better, but it's still made me sad this week, and made me question the decision to move. I know in my heart of hearts it was the right thing to do, I just need to keep telling myself. And keeping my mind on other things here. So I shall.

XOXOXO ~ Me

Life goes on....

I was tempted to not write about this particular event, mainly because I feel like it was an isolated incident and I don't want people to worry. It's over with and (almost) done, and changes to life will be made due to it, but all of said changes I think are a good thing. It's about taking care of myself and making sure that I'm ok, because if I'm not, then no one else around me can be. That whole "looking out for number one"? Not so much a bad thing.

I signed the lease to my apartment on a Monday, and promptly started moving things over. All week, in with loads of stuff and then out and back to the hotel. My plan was to clean it over the weekend and officially be out of the hotel on Sunday night (Monday at the latest). Saturday I went to Target and spent an obscene amount of money on things to turn this empty shell of a house into a home.

I stayed with a friend in Suburbia Saturday night (which I likely will post immediately after this), and headed back to the city Sunday morning. I stopped into the hotel to shower and grab a few more things. Headed back to the casa to meet some friends for a Sunday Funday on the porch. We drank some homebrews, laughed a lot, met some of the new neighbors. Good times. At some point we got hungry and went to the Mediterranean joint down the street. Delightful food, great wine (which we had to bring), and the acquisition of a hookah.

You can guess what happened next....more porch time with said hookah. Invited a couple neighbors over to partake, missed the beginning of the Twins game. Eventually we packed up and it was down to the two of us. We headed to the pub the other way down the street, parked at the bar and watched the Twins. Met a few people that were interested in a game or two of darts (which turned into one because, quite frankly, cocktails were involved).

At some point we stumbled back to my place. I put my pajamas on and as I went to turn out the lights, I noticed a man walking down the sidewalk. Then he turned like he was going to approach my house. I turned off the lights and turned around, thinking nothing of it. A minute or so later, I thought better of it, but when I went back to the front door, he was gone. All is well, I think. I turn again, and he's now walking down the driveway, which is fine, because there's an apartment in the back as well. He's probably just lost or drunk or whatever. So I head to bed.

Trying to fall asleep, I'm unable to. Something isn't right. I mentioned it to my friend when it happened, and he agreed. Just a drunk trying to find his way home. Nothing to worry about. But now, I'm worried. I lay in bed with my eyes wide open, knowing something is wrong, but unsure what to do. Well, in the span of about ten seconds it was clear. I heard an odd noise, almost a thud, but not quite. Then I hear another sound. This time I know exactly what it is. It's me screaming after hearing a window breaking. My friend chased after him for a minute as I'm on the phone with the cops. I'm unsure how I remember my own name, let alone the address.

Then we're on the porch, waiting for the cops to arrive. I can't even speak; my friend does all the speaking for me. "He took off on foot, that way", pointing down the street. The cops drive off, looking for him. Neighbors come home, ask what happened. Story re-told, another cop shows up. This one clearly looks like there are things he'd rather be doing, like watching paint dry while eating a Krispy Kreme. He takes my name, the story (again), my ID.

"That's him!!! That's the guy!!", my friend yells. He looks like he's the guy. He's definitely drunk. He's definitely short. He's definitely not speaking any English. He's cuffed and put in the car. All is well. Except for the broken window, of course. I don't have a drill, or boards or anything, really. So the landlord is called. He has all these things! And he's close! Window somewhat fixed. Me unable to sleep. I still had the hotel room, so we hopped in my friends car and stayed there. And I stayed in bed all day. And night.

Court is at the end of July, though I doubt I'll retain any of this by then. People tell me one of two things - buy a gun (almost typed guy there - though I suppose that would work too), or quit overreacting, it was just a drunk guy that couldn't find his house. I'm landing somewhere in the middle. Monday is my first lesson in the art of Krav Maga. Just try to break into my house again.

Good Deed of the Week

My first day on the job, our HR director let us know that she needed volunteers for a Habitat for Humanity build. As I'm new around here, and didn't see anything pressing on my agenda, I said I'd be happy to. From what I've heard about it, painting was going to be about as "manual labor" as I would have to get.

My assistant picked me up, and I navigated. Apparently it was in a part of town she'd never been (AKA: not the best part). We arrived on time, she introduced me to some people, we got our shirts and then we gathered. The area General Managers spoke and then we were given our tasks. Mine was not painting. Ugh. You mean I was going to have to pick up a shovel?!?

And so it was. We had to shovel out 6" deep for an 8' wide driveway, all the way to the sidewalk. Thankfully there was a sidewalk already there, so we didn't have to dig that too. We had to cut boards for stakes to mark where we were shoveling. We had to make the ground higher near the house and slope it down towards the sidewalk. Something about rain and drainage around here?? I have never seen my hands in worse shape than they were over the weekend. They still haven't completely healed.

Overall it was a great experience. I met a lot of people that work for various hotels and expanded my network just a little bit. I did something good for someone less fortunate than me for no reason at all. However, I will limit my volunteering in the future to the events where I get to see the appreciation on the recipients face. I know that volunteering is supposed to be done completely selflessly and all that, but the truth of the matter is that I get out of it just as much as the recipient does. But I want to see them appreciate it. It may sound selfish, but it's that gratefulness and appreciation that drives me and makes me want to do more. Do it more often, do it for longer, recruit others to the cause, whatever that cause may be. I don't donate money to non-profits, but will round up the best silent auction donation items you'll ever see (and likely even bid on them!). I'm happy to put a contact from a worthy cause in touch with a decision maker. This H4H build though....first and last. I'll be supportive and whatever, but I'd love to see what that house (or any other H4H builds) looks like a year or two or ten after we've put our time and sweat equity into it.

I know that last sentence sounds extremely cynical, and not in the same vein as the rest of the post. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the majority of recipients of H4H homes appreciate them and take care of them until they get back on their feet. As such, I'll stick to the group I love working with the most: Special Olympics. I'd give up any day/night of my life to help this organization.